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| What’s My Line, Part I | Ted |
Buffy and Kendra stand facing one another in Angel’s apartment, neither of them dropping their guard.
“Okay, one more time,” says Buffy. “You’re the who?”
“I’m the Slayer,” says Kendra.
“Nice cover story,” says Buffy. “But here’s a tip: you might want to try it on someone who’s not the real Slayer.”
“You can’t stop me!” says Kendra. “Even if you kill me, another Slayer will be sent to take me place.”
“Could you stop with the Slayer thing? I’m the damn Slayer!”
“Nonsense!” says Kendra. “There is but one, and I am she.”
Buffy has had enough of this conversation. She suggests a truce, until they can both go talk with her Watcher to see if they can figure out what is going on. Kendra accepts her proposal, and they both relax a bit.
“So. You were sent here?” asks Buffy.
“Yes,” says Kendra. “By my Watcher.”
“To do what, exactly?”
“To do my duty,” says Kendra. “I am here to kill vampires!”
The morning sunlight streams into the Willy’s storeroom. Angel huddles in the corner of the cage, avoiding its direct rays, but he is in bad shape. He doesn’t have much time left.
Buffy and Kendra meet with Giles in the library and fill him in on what’s happening. Buffy is a little surprised to learn the man that Kendra identifies as being her Watcher—Sam Zabuto—is someone that Giles has actually heard of. He only knows him by reputation though, he is not someone Giles has ever met.
Giles thinks that there has obviously been some sort of misunderstanding, but he doesn’t have any idea what. Before they can go on, Willow comes bouncing into the library. Kendra steps in front of her. “Identify yourself!”
“Back off, Pink Ranger!” says Buffy. She tells Kendra that Willow is her friend. Kendra doesn’t seem to understand the concept. “You try,” Buffy tells Giles. “I’m tapped.” She takes a seat at the library table.
Giles tells Kendra that there are a few people who are aware of Buffy’s identity as the Slayer, and with whom she also socializes. Kendra is surprised that Giles allows that. The Slayer is supposed to work in secret.
“Of course,” says Giles. “But, with Buffy, however, it’s, um… some flexibility is required.” That earns him a glare from Buffy.
“Why?” asks Kendra.
“Hi, guys,” says a somewhat confused Willow. “What’s going on?” Buffy and Giles tell her that there has been some sort of mixup, and a second Slayer has been sent to Sunnydale. “Is that even possible?” asks Willow, “I mean, two Slayers at the same time?”
“Not to my knowledge,” says Giles. “The new Slayer is only called after the previous Slayer has died… Good Lord! You were dead, Buffy.”
“I was only gone for a minute.”
“Clearly it doesn’t matter how long you were gone,” says Giles. “You were physically dead! Thus causing the activation of the next Slayer.”
“She died?” asks Kendra.
“Just a little,” says Buffy.
“She drowned,” Giles explains to Kendra. “But she was revived.” This situation is completely unprecedented. He is quite flummoxed.
“What’s the flum?” asks Buffy. “It’s a mistake. She isn’t supposed to be here. She goes home! Look, no offence,” she tells Kendra. “I really don’t mean this personally, but I’m not dead, and frankly, having you around creeps me out just a little bit.”
Kendra doesn’t think she can go just yet. Mr. Zabuto sent her to Sunnydale for a reason. All the signs are indicating that a very dark power is about to rise there.
Buffy gets up from the table. “And what’s your great plan for finding this dark power? You just going to attack people randomly ’till you find a bad one?”
“Of course not,” says Kendra.
“Then why the hell did you attack me?”
“I thought you were a vampire.”
“Oh, a swing and a miss for the rookie.” Buffy turns away from Kendra and goes to stand beside the chair Willow’s sitting in.
“I had good reason to think you were,” says Kendra. “Did I not see you kissing a vampire?”
Willow jumps to her feet. “Buffy would never do that!” She notices the look Buffy’s giving her. “Oh…except for that sometimes you do that. But only with Angel. Right?”
“Yes! Right,” says Buffy. “Look, you saw me with Angel, and he is a vampire, but he’s good.”
Kendra has a whole lot of trouble believing that—especially since she has read of Angelus—even after Giles confirms that Angel is good now. Buffy starts to tell her about the gypsy curse, but decides they don’t really have time for that now. Kendra will just have to take their word for it.
“I cannot believe you,” says Kendra. “He looked to me just like another animal when I—”
That gets Buffy’s attention. She steps toward Kendra. “When you what? What did you do to him? What did you do?”
Angel has run out of room. He lies in the cage, too weak to move. He hears someone enter the storeroom, looks up, and sees Willy unlocking the cage door.
Willy is amused to see Angel in this state. He grabs Angel by the feet, drags him out of the cage, and over to a trap door in the storeroom floor. Willy opens it and drops Angel down into the sewer. He drops down after him.
Willy and Angel aren’t alone in the sewer. Spike and a couple other vampires are there waiting for them.
“There you go, friend.” Willy tells Spike. “A little singed around the edges maybe, but he’ll be as good as new in a day or so.”
Spike’s two henchvamps step forward to drag Angel away, but Willy thinks that they are rushing things a bit.
Spike pulls a wad of cash out of his pocket. “What’s the matter, Willy? Don’t you trust me?” He starts handing bills to Willy, one at a time.
“Oh, yeah. Like a brother,” says Willy.
Spike gives Willy a slap on the cheek, and warns him not to talk to anyone.
“Wild horses couldn’t drag it,” says Willy.
Spike crumples the last bill in his hand, and drops it into the sewer water. “Oops! Sorry, friend.” Willy scrambles to pick it up. Spike’s two henchvamps pick up Angel and drag him away.
Willy tries to wipe the sewer slime off the bill. “What are you going to do with him anyway?”
“I’m thinking…maybe dinner and a movie,” says Spike. “I don’t want to rush into anything. I’ve been hurt, you know.”
Cordelia examines Norman Pfister’s wares, but she doesn’t really see anything that she likes. “Do you have anything in raisin? I know you wouldn’t think so, but I’m both a winter and a summer.”
“Nine ninety-nine, tax included,” says Norman.
“You said that already,” says Cordy. “Do you have anything in the berry family?”
Norman doesn’t answer her question. He just asks if there are any other ladies in the house. Cordelia tells him they aren’t home. She doesn’t think much of his sales technique, and suggests that maybe he should try selling dictionaries instead of cosmetics. She stops talking when she notices a worm coming out of his sleeve, and crawling down his hand.
Xander comes back downstairs and asks what’s up. Cordy explains that Norman is a salesman, and he’s just leaving. Xander starts to show Norman to the door, but a worm crawls across Norman’s face and into his ear. Xander decides it is time for him and Cordy to run. Norman dissolves into thousands of worms which fall to the floor.
Xander and Cordy head for the back kitchen door, but Norman beats them too it, reassembling himself in front of it. They duck through the door into the basement and slam it closed. Worms start crawling under the door.
Xander grabs a broom and uses it to squish worms. “Find something to cover the crack under the door!”
Cordelia looks around and finds a roll of duct tape1 on a shelf by the door. “Here!” She hands it to Xander. “I don’t do worms.”
Xander hands Cordy the broom and tells her to cover him. He bends down and starts to tape over the crack while Cordelia squashes worms with the broom.
Buffy and Kendra arrive at Willy’s storage room, and find the cage open and Angel gone. There aren’t any ashes, so Kendra knows she didn’t kill him.
“And I don’t need to kill you,” says Buffy.
“Whoa!” says Willy from the door. “There’s a lot of tension in this room.”
Kendra instantly attacks Willy. She knocks him out the door, and onto the floor. Buffy asks if she doesn’t ever just say “hello” to anyone. Kendra grabs Willy by the shirt and makes a fist ready to pound him. “This one is dirty! I can feel it!”
“That’s really good for you, Percepto Girl,” Buffy grabs Willy by the shirt, pulls him away from Kendra, and picks him up. “But we’re not going to get anything out if him if he’s, oh, say unconscious.” She slams Willy against the bar. “Where’s Angel?”
“My buddy Angel? You think I’d let him fry? I saved him in the nick! He was about five minutes away from being a crispy critter!” Willy tells Buffy that Angel went underground for a while to recuperate.
“Are you telling me the truth?” asks Buffy.
“I swear on my mother’s grave!” says Willy. “Should something fatal happen to her, god forbid.”
Now that they know Angel is all right, Kendra thinks that they should go back to Giles for new orders.
“I don’t take orders,” says Buffy. “I do things my way.”
“No wonder you died,” says Kendra.
Buffy lets that one go. She and Kendra start to leave.
“I have to ask.” Buffy and Kendra stop to hear what Willy has to say. “Has either of you girls considered modelling? I have a friend with a camera. Strictly high-class nude work. You know, art photographs, but naked.”
Buffy and Kendra both turn up their noses at that suggestion, and leave without commenting on it.
“You don’t have to answer right away,” Willy calls after them.
Spike wakes Drusilla from a nap. “I was dreaming,” she says. “We were in Paris. You had a branding iron. And there were worms in my baguette.”
Spike has awakened Dru so she can see the present he has brought for her. He drags the bound and gagged Angel into their room and dumps him on the floor. He has brought Drusilla her sire.
“Now all we need is the full moon tonight, and he will die, and you will be fully restored.” Spike takes Drusilla’s hand and kisses it. “My black goddess.” He starts to kiss his way up her arm. “My ripe, wicked plumb. It’s been…”
Drusilla grabs Spike’s head and pulls his lips against hers. “Forever.”
Angel lies tied up on the floor watching them kiss, unable to get away. After a while Drusilla pulls away. “Spike, let me have him. Hm? Until the moon.”
At first Spike doesn’t seem to like that idea much, but then he smiles. “Alright, You can play, but don’t kill him. He mustn’t die till the ritual.” He grabs Angel, pulls him to his feet and pushes him in front of Drusilla.
Dru runs her hand along Angel’s cheek and bare chest. She grabs his chin, pulls his head around and looks him in the eyes. “You’ve been a very bad daddy.” She slaps him.
Giles walks through the school courtyard with Kendra. Buffy and Willow follow behind them. He tells Kendra that he has consulted with Mr. Zabuto, and they agree that, until this matter with Spike and Drusilla is resolved, she and Buffy are to work together.
“Oh, that’ll be a treat,” says Buffy.
Giles ignores Buffy. He believes that the Dark Power that Mr. Zabuto referred to is Drusilla. “Drusilla’s not only evil, she’s, uh, well, she’s also quite mad, and if she’s restored to her full health, then there’s absolutely no telling what she might do.”
“Then we will stop Spike,” says Kendra.
“Ooo, good plan,” Buffy barges in between Giles and Kendra. “Let’s go, charge! It’s a little more complicated than that, John Wayne.”
Giles agrees with Buffy. In addition to the problem with Spike, they have the problem of the Order of Taraka being after Buffy.
Kendra has read of the Order in the writings of Draemius, volume six.
Giles is a little surprised. He has never actually gotten through that one. He finds Draemius to be rather stodgy. Kendra agrees, what with all the footnotes.
Buffy is also surprised by Kendra’s knowledge. She figures she must have a lot of free time for studying.
“I study because it is required.” Kendra tells her. “The Slayer Handbook insists on it.”
“There’s a Slayer handbook?” asks Willow.
“What handbook?” asks Buffy. “How come I don’t have a handbook?”
“Is there a T-shirt, too?” asks Willow, “’Cause that would be cool.”
“After meeting you, Buffy,” says Giles, “I realized that the handbook would be of no use in your case.”
“What do you mean it would be of no use in my case?” asks Buffy. “What’s wrong with my case?”
Giles chooses not to answer that question, and goes back to asking Kendra just where in Draemius VI, he talks about the Order of Taraka. He also tells Buffy that Principal Snyder has been snooping around, looking for her again. It would be best is she put in an appearance at the Career Fair.
Kendra is surprised to learn that Buffy is actually a student in the school. “And I imagine she’s a cheerleader as well,” she says.
“Oh, no, well, actually she had to give up her cheerleading,” says Giles. “Uh, it was quite an amusing story, actually.” He notices the look he’s getting from Buffy, and decides to switch subjects. He and Kendra head off to the library to find that volume of Draemius.
Buffy and Willow watch them go. “Get a load of the She-Giles,” says Buffy. She is not happy with the way Kendra and Giles are getting along.
“Buffy, no one could replace you,” says Willow. “You’ll always be Giles’ favourite.”
“I wonder,” says Buffy.
“Of course, you will,” says Willow. “You’re his Slayer. The real Slayer.”
That wasn’t what Buffy was wondering about. She’s wondering if it wouldn’t be so bad being replaced. Maybe once this thing with Spike and the Order of Taraka is over she can let Kendra take over for a while. “Maybe I could even have a normal life.”
Xander sits on a chair in Buffy’s basement, watching Cordelia pace. He asks her to sit down, or change her pattern or something. She’s making him queasy.
Cordelia thinks that Xander should be doing something besides just sitting there. He should be trying to come up with a plan to get them out.
Xander has a plan: “We wait. Buffy saves us.”
“How will she even know where to find us?” asks Cordy.
“Cordelia, this is Buffy’s house. Odds are, she’ll find us.”
Cordelia doesn’t want to wait. She starts to head for the stairs. Xander gets up off the chair and asks what she thinks she is doing.
“Going to see if he’s gone!” says Cordelia.
“That’s brilliant! What if he isn’t?”
“Oh, right!” says Cordelia. “You think we should just slack here and hope that somebody else decides to be a hero? Sorry, forgot I was stranded with a loser!”
“And yet I never forgot that I’m stuck with the numb brain that let Mr. Mutant in the house in the first place!”
“He looked normal!” Cordelia shouts at him.
“What—he was supposed to have an arrow with the word ‘assassin’ over his head?” asks Xander. “All it took was the prospect of a free makeover, and you licked his hand like a big, dumb dog!”
Cordelia has had enough. She starts toward the stairs again. She would rather be worm food than spend any more time locked in the basement with Xander.
This is fine with Xander, he won’t stop her.
Cordelia turns to face him. “I bet you wouldn’t! I bet you’d let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!”
“Not just any girl,” says Xander. “You’re special.”
“I can’t believe that I’m stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on Earth here with you!” Cordelia steps toward Xander.
“I hope these are my last few moments! Three more seconds with you, and I’m going to…” Xander steps toward Cordelia.
“I’m going to what?” asks Cordelia. “Coward!”
“Moron!”
“I hate you!”
“I hate you!” shouts Xander. The two of them stand nose to nose for a second staring at each other.
Xander and Cordy grab each other, and start to kiss passionately. The kiss goes on for several seconds, and then they suddenly break it off and jump away from each other. Both of them are appalled by what they just did.
“We so need to get out of here,” says Xander.
“Uh-huh,” agrees Cordelia with a nod, and they both run up the stairs.
They pause at the door, and Xander pulls away the tape covering the crack. No worms come flooding through so he reaches up and cautiously opens the door and looks out. There is no sign of the Worm Man. They come out into the kitchen, and look around the corner, down the hallway to the front door. They still don’t see any worms, so Xander starts to run down the hallway, with Cordelia following him.
Worms start to rain down from the ceiling onto Cordelia. She starts to scream, and dashes out the front of the house.
“Oh my god! Get them off of me!” Cordy screams at Xander. “Get them off!”
Xander picks up the garden hose, that’s lying in the front yard, and starts to spray water onto Cordelia. She turns her back to him, letting him hose her off. She pulls back her collar so he can spray down her back while she brushes at the worms on her arms. Once most of the bugs are off she starts toward her car, with Xander following, still spraying at the worms he can see on her back. He drops the hose and they run to the car. They get in, and Cordelia peels away.
Buffy and Willow walk past the student lounge. Buffy’s test had said that she should look into Law Enforcement, or Environmental Design—she checked the shrub box. She missed the Environmental Design seminar yesterday, so she has to go to the Law Enforcement session today. While they talk, Buffy notices that a guy is checking Willow out.
Willow glances in the direction Buffy is looking. “Oh, that’s Oz.” She looks back at Buffy. “He’s expressing computer nerd solidarity.” She doesn’t see Oz get up off the sofa in the lounge and start toward them.
“Really?” asks Buffy. “Then why is he on his way over here right now?” Willow looks over again, and sees Oz coming toward her. “Told you!” says Buffy, and makes her exit as Oz arrives and says “Hey.”
“Hey,” says Willow. “Your hair is brown.” It had been red the day before.
“Oh, yeah. Sometimes,” says Oz. “So, uh, did you decide? Are you going to be a corporate computer suit guy?”
“Oh. Uh, well, I-I think I’m going to finish high school first,” says Willow. “What about you?”
“I’m not really a computer person, you know,” says Oz. “Or a work…of any kind person.”
“Then why’d they select you?” asks Willow.
“Oh, I sort of test well,” says Oz. “Y’know, which is cool. Except that it leads to jobs.”
“Well, don’t you have some ambition?”
“Oh, yeah!” says Oz. “E-flat, diminished ninth.”
“Huh?” asks Willow
“Well, the E-flat, it’s doable,” says Oz, “but that diminished ninth, y’know, it’s a man’s chord. You could lose a finger.”2
Buffy has signed in at the Law Enforcement Professionals booth at the Fair. The police woman running the booth picks up the sign in sheet and starts to call off names to make sure everyone is there. She starts with “Buffy Summers.” Buffy raises her hand.
The woman puts down her clipboard, draws her gun, and takes aim at Buffy.
Buffy rushes forward and grabs the gun. She lifts it up so that it is pointed at the ceiling, before the police woman can fire. All of the students in the lounge start to panic and run as the police woman fires a couple of shots into the ceiling.
Buffy kicks the woman in the knee, and she drops the gun and falls to the floor. Buffy turns and dives over a table for cover as the woman pulls a second gun out of a holster in the small of her back, and starts shooting at Buffy again.
Buffy yells for everyone to get down as she makes a break for something that will give her some more protection than the table. Oz pushes Willow to the floor, and gets hit in the arm by one of the bullets the police woman fired at Buffy. Buffy takes shelter behind a pillar.
The woman cautiously approaches the pillar and looks around it. Buffy tackles her, knocks her to the floor, and the gun from her hands. They both jump back to their feet and the woman pulls a third gun from an ankle holster and takes aim at Buffy again. This time Buffy has nowhere to hide.
Kendra kicks the gun out of the police woman’s hands, and then knocks her back with a kick to her head.
The woman grabs Jonathan, who had been hiding behind the water fountain, and pulls a knife out of a sheath behind her neck. She uses Jonathan as a shield as she backs toward the door, looking around desperately. She tosses Jonathan aside and runs. Kendra chases after her, while Buffy goes to check on Willow and Oz.
“He’s shot!” Willow tells Buffy. “Are you okay?” she asks Oz.
“I, uh, I’m shot!” Oz pulls his hand away from his bloody arm, and laughs. “Y’know. Wow! It’s odd!” The adrenaline starts to wear off, and his smile fades. “And painful.”
Kendra comes back and reports that the woman got away from her.
Students are starting to pick themselves up all around the lounge. Jonathan comes over to Buffy. “Was that a demonstration?”
Buffy sits on the counter in the library and reports what happened to Giles, while Willow tapes up her knee. The fight with the police woman has aggravated her earlier injury to it. Giles asks if Oz is going to be okay, and Willow tells him that the paramedics said it was only a scrape. Xander and Cordelia come into the library. Cordy is still all wet.
“Down girl!” Buffy orders Kendra as she starts to step toward these new people.
“Who sponsored Career Day today?” asks Xander. “The British Soccer Fan Association?”
Giles tells them that they had another visit from the Order of Taraka.
“You want to talk Order of Taraka?” asks Xander. “We just met the king freak of the…” He stops when he sees Kendra. “Hello.”
Kendra looks down at the floor.
“Oh, forgive me,” says Giles. “Uh, Xander, Cordelia, this is Kendra. Uh, it’s rather complicated, but she’s also a Slayer.”
“Hi. Nice to meet you.” Cordelia heads over to the table.
“A Slayer, huh?” says Xander. “I knew this ‘I’m the only one, I’m the only one’ thing was just an attention getter,” he tells Buffy.
Willow has finished wrapping Buffy’s knee, so she hops down off the counter. “Just say hello, Xander.” She and Willow go to join Cordelia at the table.
“Welcome,” Xander tells Kendra. “So! You’re a Slayer, huh? I like that in a woman.”
Kendra can’t look at him. “Uh… I hope… I thank you… I mean, sir, um… I will be of service.”
Xander is puzzled by her reaction. “Great! Good. It’s good to be a giver.” He heads over to the table with the others. Giles asks for a description of the assassin they met.
Cordelia finds one of the worms in her hair, and drops it onto an open book on the table. “Oh god! I’m showering!” She runs from the library.
Xander points at the worm. “Like that.”
“You and bug people, Xander. What’s up with that?” asks Buffy.
“No, but this dude was completely different than Praying Mantis Lady. He was a man of bugs, not a man who was a bug.” Xander slams the book shut, squishing the worm inside it.
It is clear to Giles that the Tarakan assassins aren’t backing off.
“These Taraka are definitely serious.” Buffy glances toward Kendra. “Fortunately for me, so is Kendra.”
Giles has more bad news: he has learned something more about the ritual to restore Drusilla’s health. It must take place in a church during the new moon3, and it requires the presence of her sire.
“The new moon,” says Kendra, “But that is tonight.”
“Exactly,” says Giles. “And I’m sure the assassins were here to kill Buffy before she could put a stop to things.”
Buffy’s worried about something else. “They need Drusilla’s sire? You mean the vamp that made her?”
“Yes,” says Giles.
Willow notices that Buffy is upset. “Buffy, what is it?”
“Angel,” says Buffy. “He’s Drusilla’s sire.”
“Man, that guy got major neck in his day!” says Xander, which earns him a whack in the arm from Willow.
“Will this ritual kill him?” Buffy asks Giles.
“Yes, I’m afraid it will,” says Giles.
Buffy thinks they have to get busy. They have to find the church where this ritual is going to take place, and they have to find it before sunset. Giles checks his watch. They have five hours.
“Don’t worry, Buffy, we’ll save Angel,” says Willow.
“Angel?” asks Kendra. “But our priority is to stop Drusilla!”
“Angel’s our friend!” says Xander, then he remembers who it is he’s defending. “Except I don’t like him.”
Buffy doesn’t care about Kendra’s priorities. To save Angel they have to stop Spike and Dru. Kendra can either help her, or get out of the way.
Kendra considers that for a couple of seconds. “I’m with you.”
“Good,” says Buffy. “’Cause I’ve had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that’s fine. Buy nobody messes with my boyfriend!”
Drusilla gets a bottle of holy water out of her chest. “My mummy ate lemons, raw.” She carries the bottle over to where she has Angel’s wrists tied to the posts at the foot of her bed. “She said she loved the way they made her mouth tingle. Little Anne…” She dribbles some holy water onto his bare chest. Angel tries not to scream as it burns him. “…her favourite was custard. Brandied pears.”
“Dru—”
“Shhh! And pomegranates.” Dru climbs onto the bed behind Angel. “They used to make her face and fingers all red.” She pours more holy water onto him. “Remember? Hm? Little fingers. Little hands. Do you?”
“If I could—”
“Bite your tongue! They used to eat cake, and eggs, and honey. Until you came and ripped their throats out.” Drusilla dumps more holy water onto his chest. This time Angel can’t hold back his scream.
Giles checks over Willow’s shoulder as she sits on the stairs in the library working on her Powerbook. “There are forty-three churches in Sunnydale? That seems a little excessive.”
“It’s the extra evil vibe from the Hellmouth,” says Willow. “Makes people pray harder.”
Giles offers Willow a mint, tells her to check to see if any of them are closed or abandoned, then goes to check on how Xander and Cordelia are doing. They’ve been going through his books, trying to find their bug man, or the police lady in them. They haven’t had any luck yet. Giles hands them another large volume, hoping they will have better luck with it. It has a whole section on the Order of Taraka.
Buffy and Kendra are in Giles’ office preparing weapons. Kendra looks out at Xander and Cordelia and asks if they know about Buffy being a Slayer too. Buffy tells her they do.
“Did anyone explain to you what ‘secret identity’ means?” asks Kendra.
“Nope,” says Buffy. “Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality removal.” She notices the way Kendra is holding a loaded crossbow. “Be careful with that thing!”
“Please,” says Kendra. “I’m an expert in all weapons.” The crossbow goes off, putting its arrow through the shade of Giles’ lamp.
“Is everything alright?” Giles calls in to them.
“Yeah, it’s okay,” says Buffy. “Kendra killed the bad lamp.”
“Sorry!” says Kendra. “This, uh, trigger mechanism is different. Perhaps when this is over you can, uh, show me how to work it.”
“When this is over I’m thinking pineapple pizza and teen video movie fest,” says Buffy. “Possibly something from the Ringwald oeuvre.”
Xander finally finds something. “I am the bug man, coo coo ka choo!” Giles and Willow come over to see what he’s found. Xander keeps reading from his book. “Okay. Okay. He can only be killed when he’s in his disassembled state.” He turns to Cordelia. “Disassembled,” he tells her slowly. “That means when he’s broken down into his little buggy parts.”
“I know what it means, dorkhead.” says Cordy.
“Dorkhead!” says Xander. “You slash me with your words!”
Willow raises her eyebrows at them. Xander and Cordy seem to be bickering even more than usual.
Kendra tells Buffy how their lives are very different. Buffy has all the things which her training has taught her distract her from her calling: friends, school, family.
“Even family?” asks Buffy.
Kendra tells Buffy that she was given to her Watcher when she was very young. She has seen pictures of her family, but she doesn’t remember them. “That’s how seriously the calling is taken by my people.” Her parents believed that by giving Kendra to her Watcher they were doing the right thing for her, and for the world.4 She notices the look Buffy is giving her. “Please, I don’t feel sorry for myself. Why should you?”
Buffy thinks it sounds like a very lonely life, but Kendra doesn’t see it that way. “Emotions are weakness, Buffy. You shouldn’t entertain them.”
“Kendra, my emotions give me power,” says Buffy. “They’re total assets!”
“Maybe,” says Kendra, “For you. But I prefer to keep an even mind.”
Buffy thinks that explains it. She was very impressed with Kendra’s fighting technique, it is even better than hers—something Kendra agrees with—but she thinks she would have won in the end. She thinks that Kendra’s style lacks imagination.
“Really? You think so?” Kendra turns toward Buffy, holding the knife she has been cleaning.
Buffy knows so. Kendra’s good, but power alone isn’t enough. She has to know how to improvise, go with the flow. She really does have potential though.
“Potential?” Kendra steps toward Buffy. “I could wipe the floor with you right now!”
Buffy steps up to Kendra and looks her in the eyes. Then she smiles. “That would be anger you’re feeling.”
“What?” asks Kendra.
“You feel it, right?” asks Buffy. “How the anger gives you fire? A Slayer needs that.”
They’re interrupted by Xander coming into the office to pick up a book off Giles’ desk. Kendra starts looking at the floor again. He notices the knife Kendra is holding. “Nice knife,” he tells her, and leaves the office.
“I’m guessing dating isn’t big with your Watcher either,” says Buffy.
“I’m not permitted to speak with boys,” says Kendra.
“Unless you’re pummelling them,” says Buffy. “Wait a minute.”
“What?” asks Kendra.
“That guy!” says Buffy, “The sleazoid you nearly decked in the bar.”
“You think he might help us?” asks Kendra.
Buffy imitates Kendra’s accent. “I tink we might make him!”
“Say ‘uncle.’” Dru dribbles more holy water onto Angel’s chest. “Oh, that’s right, you killed my uncle.”
Spike comes in and tells Dru it’s time for them to head off to the church.
Dru stands and looks down at Angel’s chest. “It makes pretty colours,” she tells Spike.
Spike really isn’t interested in that. He wants to get to the Angel dies part. “I’ve never been much for the pre-show.” He starts to untie Angel.
“Too bad,” says Angel. “That’s what Drusilla likes best, as I recall.”
Spike wants to know what Angel means by that, and Angel suggests that he ask Drusilla. Spike looks at Dru.
Drusilla doesn’t want to talk about that with Spike. “Shhh! Rrruff! Bad dog,” she says to Angel.
“You should let me talk to him, Dru,” says Angel. “Sounds like your boy could use some pointers. She likes to be teased,” he tells Spike.
Spike has finished untying Angel. “Keep your hole shut!”
“Take care of her, Spike,” says Angel. “The way she touched me just now? I can tell when she’s not satisfied.”
“I said shut up!” Spike grabs Angel by the throat, lifts him with one hand, and slams him against the bed post.
“Or maybe you two just don’t have the fire we had,” says Angel.
Spike has had enough. He grabs the wooden railing at the foot of the bed, breaks off a piece, making himself a stake, and raises it to strike.
“Spike, no!” says Drusilla. Spike hesitates, and looks at the way Angel is looking at him. Drusilla puts her hand on his shoulder, and rubs it. “Shhh.”
“Oh! Right.” Spike lowers the stake. “Right, you almost got me! Aren’t you a ‘throw himself to the lions’ sort of sap these days. Well, the lions are on to you, baby. See, if I kill you now you go quick, and Dru hasn’t got a chance. And if Dru dies your little Rebecca of Sunnyhell Farm and all her mates are spared her coming out party.”
Drusilla reminds Spike that the moon is rising. It’s time for them to be going.
“Too bad, Angelus. Looks like you go the hard way. Along with the rest of this miserable town.” Spike continues to hold Angel up by the throat and turns to give Drusilla a kiss.
Buffy pushes Willy up against the bar, and asks him again what he has heard about the ritual. He tells her that he hasn’t heard anything.
“Just hit him Buffy!” says Kendra.
“She likes to hit.” Buffy tells Willy. He considers that for a bit, and tells Buffy that maybe he has heard something about this ritual, but he can’t describe where it is. He would have to show her.
Kendra thinks that this is progress. Now they should go back and report to Giles before making Willy show them where the ritual is taking place.
Buffy doesn’t want to report in, she doesn’t think they have time. While they go running back to Giles, Angel could die.
Kendra thinks Buffy’s too worried about her boyfriend. “It’s as I feared. He clouds your judgement. We can’t stop this ritual alone!”
“Are you listening to me?” asks Buffy. “He could die!”
“He’s a vampire,” says Kendra. “He should die. Why am I the only person who sees it?”
Buffy doesn’t have anything she wants to say out loud in response to that. She starts to push Willy toward the door.
“Are you that big a fool?” asks Kendra as Buffy pushes Willy out the door. “Good riddance, then.”
Willy leads Buffy to a church. “Here you go,” he tells her. “Don’t ever say your friend Willy don’t come through in a pinch.” He leads her around a corner, straight into the police woman, who is now out of her uniform, and a vampire.
“Here you go.” Willy tells them. “Don’t ever say your friend Willy don’t come through in a pinch.” Buffy looks around and sees that Norman Pfister, and another vampire have appeared behind her. She’s surrounded.
Spike begins the ceremony to cure Drusilla in an old church undergoing renovation. The chapel is illuminated by torches and candle light. Spike carries a censer with burning incense, and he’s in full vampire face. “Eligor. I name thee. Bringer of war, poisoners, pariahs, grand obscenity.” He turns and walks back to the alter. Angel and Drusilla are there, tied together by leather straps. Angel’s right hand is tied over his head to a rope suspended from the ceiling. “Eligor, wretched master of decay, bring your black medicine.”
“Black medicine.” whispers Drusilla.
Spike puts down the censer and lifts the du Lac Cross, his hands protected by heavy leather gauntlets. He raises the cross inverted before him. “Come. Restore your most impious, murderous child.”
“Murderous child.” whispers Drusilla.
Spike grabs the top of the cross and pulls. It detaches and becomes a dagger. “From the blood of the sire, she is risen.” He takes Drusilla’s hand and places it in Angel’s. “From the blood of the sire, she shall rise again.”
Spike stabs the knife through both their hands. There is a brilliant flash of light, and Angel cries out in pain.
“Right then!” says Spike. “Now we just let them come to a simmering boil, and remove to a low flame.”
“Pay day pal!” calls out Willy as he comes through the church doors, followed by the Tarakan assassins and two vampires who are dragging Buffy along with them. “I’ve got your Slayer!”
Spike is not pleased to see them. He doesn’t want Buffy anywhere near this church right now. He just wants her dead.
“Now, that’s not what I heard,” says Willy. “Word was there was a bounty on her, dead or alive.”
“You heard wrong, Willy,” says Spike.
Buffy isn’t paying any attention to Spike. She’s seen Angel tied to Drusilla at the alter. “Angel.” she whispers.
“Yeah,” says Spike. “It bugs me, too, seeing him like that. Another five minutes, though, and Angel will be dead, so I forbear. Don’t feel too bad for Angel, though, he’s got something you don’t have.”
“What’s that?” asks Buffy.
“Five minutes,” says Spike. “Patrice!” The police woman lets go of Buffy, steps back and draws a gun.
The church doors burst open again, and Kendra flips down the aisle. She delivers a two footed kick, one foot to the head of each of the vampires holding Buffy. One of them falls into Spike, knocking him off his feet too, and Buffy tackles Patrice.
Spike is back on his feet again quickly, and he finds himself looking at Buffy and Kendra. “Who the hell is this?”
“It’s your lucky day, Spike!” says Buffy.
“Two Slayers!” Kendra grabs Spike by the shirt and punches him with a left hook. Spike’s head snaps around.
“No waiting!” Buffy hits Spike with a right jab. Spike goes down.
Buffy leaves Spike to Kendra, and turns back to face Patrice, who has gotten back to her feet. She has lost her gun, but she isn’t out of weapons. A pair of knives pop out of her sleeves and into her hands. She and Buffy warily size each other up.
One of the vampires Kendra had kicked in the head gets to its feet, and starts to move toward Buffy. It stops when the point of a crossbow bolt suddenly appears sticking out of its chest. The vampire dusts, revealing Giles holding the crossbow, backed up by Willow and Xander.
Patrice slashes at Buffy with her knives. Buffy catches her arms, gives her a knee in the stomach, and kicks her away.
Giles looks around and sees the second vampire just getting to its feet. He attacks it, trying to use the crossbow as a club, but the vampire is ready for him. It catches the crossbow and the two of them wrestle for it. Giles spins the vampire around. He lets go of the crossbow with one of his hands, and punches the vampire. Willow jumps onto the vampire’s back and wraps her arms around its neck.
Xander turns his attention to Norman Pfister. “Hey, larvae boy!” Norman turns and looks at Xander. “Yeah, that’s right, I’m talking to you, you big cootie!”
Norman starts toward him, and Xander turns and runs out the door. He pulls the door shut behind him and jumps over the line of liquid adhesive Cordelia has poured along the floor just outside it.
“Welcome, my little pretties!” says Xander as the worms start to crawl under the door and into the glue.
Giles punches the vampire a couple of times, while Willow still clings to its back. Kendra and Buffy continue to fight with Spike and Patrice. Xander starts stomping on bugs, and Cordelia tentatively joins in.
Buffy is getting the better of Patrice, but Spike seems to be doing the same with Kendra. Buffy suggests that they switch fight partners. She leans down and Kendra rolls over her back. Kendra takes up the attack on Patrice. When Buffy straightens up she’s looking at Spike.
“I’d rather be fighting you anyway,” says Spike.
“Mutual,” says Buffy, and hits him with a couple of quick kicks.
Cordelia really starts getting into the worm stomping. Xander has to rein her in once all the bugs are dead. They head into the chapel to join the others.
Buffy tosses Spike across the church, and he lands next to Willy, who has been hiding behind a pew throughout the fight.
Willy tries to retreat. Spike grabs him. “Where are you going?”
Buffy uses Spike’s preoccupation with Willy to run to the alter. She pulls the knife out of Angel and Drusilla’s hands, and starts trying to unstrap them from each other.
“Now, there’s a way in which this isn’t my fault!” Willy tells Spike.
“They tricked you,” says Spike.
“Mm-hm!” says Willy. “They were duplicitous!”
“Well, then I’ll only kill you just this once.” Spike bares his fangs to rip out Willy’s throat.
“Spike!” calls out Drusilla weakly from the front of the church.
Spike looks, and sees Buffy working on the straps tying Dru to Angel. He forgets about Willy. He runs to the alter, grabs Buffy. and tosses her away. Buffy gets back to her feet and comes back at him, but Spike punches her, and knocks her down again.
Willy runs from the church, past Willow, Giles, and the vampire, and then Xander and Cordy as they’re coming back in.
Willow and Giles have switched positions. Now Giles is holding the vampire from behind, and Willow’s got a stake in her hands. “Hold him steady!” she tells Giles, and plunges the stake into the vampire’s chest.
Patrice and Kendra continue to fight. Patrice makes the mistake of cutting Kendra’s favourite shirt—her only shirt—with one of her knives. This makes Kendra mad, and she kicks Patrice in her knees and tosses her across the church into a wooden cabinet, smashing it. Patrice doesn’t get up. Kendra rushes to join the others.
Spike grabs a torch and throws it into a pile of drop cloths and paint supplies between him, and Kendra and the others. The cloths quickly burst into flames, blocking their route to him. “Sorry baby,” he tells Drusilla as he releases the straps attaching her to Angel. “Got to go.” He picks her up and starts toward the exit. “Hope that was enough.”
Buffy gets to her feet. She grabs the censer that Spike had used in the ceremony, whirls it around her head, and throws it at the retreating Spike. It hits him squarely in the back of the head, and knocks him sprawling into the church’s pipe organ keyboard, smashing it.
“I’m good!” says Buffy as the rest of the pipe organ collapses on top of Spike and Drusilla. Buffy goes to check on Angel.
The fire that Spike started is spreading rapidly. Kendra goes and helps Buffy carry Angel out of the church, and the rest of their friends follow them. The fire has reached the remains of the organ.
Willow finds Oz working to open a box of animal crackers he got out of a vending machine in the lounge. She asks him how his arm—which is in a sling—is.
“Suddenly painless.” Oz offers her a cracker.
Willow declines. “You can still play the guitar okay?”
“Oh, not well,” says Oz, “but not worse.”
They start to walk down the hall together. Oz has opened the box one handed, but he’s having trouble with the inner bag. Willow takes it, and opens it for him. She tells him that she never really thanked him for saving her life. That’s fine with Oz. He doesn’t handle thanks well. “I get all red. Have to bail. It’s not pretty.”
“Well, then forget that thing,” says Willow. “Especially with the part where I kind of owe you my life.”
Oz pulls a cracker out of the box. “Oh, look! Monkey! And he has a little hat. And little pants.” Willow smiles and tells him that she can see that. “The monkey’s the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that?”
Willow smiles brightly.
“You have the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen,” says Oz, then he continues on with his talk about animal crackers as if he hadn’t said anything about it. “So, I’m wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, ‘Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity!’” Willow laughs. “And you know the monkey’s just, ‘I mock you with my monkey pants!’” he says in a French accent, which gets another laugh out of Willow. “And there’s a big coup in the zoo.”
“The monkey is French?” asks Willow.
“All monkeys are French,” says Oz. “You didn’t know that?”
Cordelia spots Xander coming toward her in the corridor and does an immediate about face. Xander rushes to catch up with her and tells her that they need to talk. They both duck into an empty classroom. They start out a nice, safe, six feet apart.
Xander thinks it’s silly for them to run every time they see each other. There is a total explanation for what happened in Buffy’s basement.
“You’re a pervert?” asks Cordelia.
“Me?” Xander takes a tiny step toward Cordy. “I seem to recall I was the jumpee, my friend!”
“As if!” Cordelia takes a step toward Xander. “You’ve probably been planing this for months!”
“Right,” says Xander. “I hired a Latvian bug man to kill Buffy so I could kiss you. I hate to burst your bubble, but you don’t inspire me to spring for a dinner over at Bucky’s Fondue Hut.”
That’s just fine with Cordy. She starts to go, but turns back and steps closer to him. “You know, the point is: don’t try it again!” They are now about two feet apart.
Xander doesn’t think he tried anything the first time, and doesn’t think there is any risk of it repeating. “The memory of your lips on mine makes my blood run cold.”
“If you dare breath a word of this…” Cordelia warns him quietly, taking another step toward him.
“Like I want anyone to know?” asks Xander.
“Then it’s erased!” says Cordy.
“Never happened!” agrees Xander.
“Good!”
“Good!”
“Good!” yells Cordy again, they stand nose to nose staring into each other’s eyes. They grab each other and start to kiss. This time they don’t stop.
Buffy escorts Kendra to the taxi waiting to take her to the airport. Kendra has gotten a new shirt from Buffy. This time Kendra has a ticket. She isn’t riding in the cargo hold.
Buffy and Kendra stop outside the taxi. “I, um, I just wanted to thank you, for helping me save Angel,” says Buffy.
“I’m not telling my Watcher about that!” says Kendra. “It is too strange that a Slayer loves a vampire. Still, he is pretty cute.”
“Well, maybe they won’t fire me for dating him,” says Buffy.
“You always do that,” says Kendra.
“Do what?”
“You talk about Slaying like it’s a job. It’s not. It’s who you are.”
“Did you get that from your handbook?” asks Buffy.
“From you,” says Kendra.
“I guess it’s something I really can’t fight,” says Buffy. She smiles. “I’m a freak.”
“Not the only freak,” says Kendra.
“Not anymore.”
Buffy moves in to give Kendra a good-bye hug. Kendra steps back. “I don’t hug!”
“Right. No,” says Buffy. “Good. Hate hugs.” She watches Kendra get into the taxi. She gives her a little wave as it pulls away.
Spike lies in a pile of rubble in the charred remains of the church. His hand twitches and he gasps in pain.
Drusilla reaches down, grabs Spike’s arm in one hand, and lifts him clear of the rubble. “Don’t worry dear heart. I’ll see that you get strong again. Like me.” She carries him effortlessly out of the church.
| Who or What | Where | How |
|---|---|---|
| A vampire | In the church | Shot with the crossbow by Giles |
| A vampire | In the church | Staked by Willow |
| Norman Pfister, the Bug Man | In the church | Stomped by Xander and Cordelia |