Rewards, by M. McGregor

Chapter 13

Xander watched with amusement as Anya stood in the middle of the bedroom, arms held out while Buffy and Faith gently caressed her body with two fluffy towels. Unsurprisingly, it had been Anya’s idea. She lectured Xander on the benefits of their new situation, their expected duties as the dominant members of the relationship, and the unspoken agreement that they would use Buffy and Faith in the way that the two Slayers desired.

“It’s our duty to take advantage,” she said as Buffy knelt at her legs, gently patting them down. Her face was very red, but she was licking her lips almost constantly, and breathing quite heavily. Faith was standing, working at Anya’s arms and back, careful to do a very dutiful job of drying every drop. Xander thought he was going to laugh out loud when Anya patted Faith on the head as she moved behind her, particularly when Faith seemed completely unable to think of how to react. “I’ve read all about it on the Internet. As the submissive members of the relationship, Buffy and Faith want us to be in charge and tell them what to do. They can’t be happy unless they think they’re serving us. Right, Buffy? Weren’t you telling me in the shower that you wanted us to use you?”

“I think she was telling most of the block,” Xander said with a wry grin. “You’ve got a set of pipes on you, Buffy.”

Buffy grinned and said nothing, focusing on her task.

“Well there you go,” Anya continued. “We all profit. Faith and Buffy get sexual satisfaction, and we get two slavegirls who will do menial tasks. Our efficiency as a household will increase exponentially!” She lowered her arms and looked down at her nude body. “Okay, I’m all dry.”

Buffy stood and Faith stepped away from Anya. The two Slayers stood awkwardly, both nude, and both avoiding looking at the other. Xander frowned ever so slightly.

“We should go soon,” Anya remarked. “You two should go get dressed. Buffy?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Loan Faith some clothes.”

“Please,” Xander added for her. “Loan Faith some clothes, please.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “Xander, they don’t want please, they want orders.” She sighed dramatically and stepped over to him, putting her hands on either side of her face. “Do I need to print you out a few of the materials I found concerning sexual domination?”

“I don’t know how to answer that,” he said with a grin.

“I’ll make you a binder when we get home,” she said, nodding as she made up her mind. “Perhaps I’ll come up with exercises you can do to practice your new role as slave owner.”

“Slave owner,” he said, glancing behind Anya to Faith and Buffy, who stood watching them. His eyes flicked to Anya, then back to them. He took a deep breath, and nodded. “Aren’t you two supposed to be doing something?”

Buffy’s eyes widened. Faith gave him a blank stare. He looked at them meaningfully. Then Buffy’s tongue slipped from between her lips for perhaps the hundredth time, and she swallowed loudly. Faith nodded, slowly at first, then with increasing rapidity.

“Yeah,” she breathed. “O-Okay.”

Xander was quick to catch the little glance Buffy gave towards Faith, and was well aware of the look of resolve that slipped onto Buffy’s face afterwards.

“Yes, Xander,” Buffy said in a clear voice. She hesitated in a moment. “I-I mean… Yes, Sir.” Then with a triumphant little grin that might not have truly been there, she spun on her heels and trotted quickly out of the room, a bewildered and excited Faith following quickly after her.

“Wow,” Xander said as soon as they were gone.

“Buffy’s clearly the more submissive of the two,” Anya said.

“Buffy’s clearly the more competitive of the two,” Xander corrected. “Don’t mistake what that was.”

“Maybe she’s both.”

“Maybe.”

Anya sighed and put her arms around Xander’s neck, and kissed him softly. He was smiling as their lips parted.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“I’m very excited,” she admitted. “I think I like being a lesbian.”

“Not too much, I hope.”

She grinned at him. “Don’t worry, I still enjoy your penis. And your other parts as well.”

“You’re no slouch in the parts department either.”

Anya laughed and kissed him again. Xander hugged her naked body to his, rocking back and forth where they stood. Anya sighed and rested her head against his chest.

They remained that way for a few moments. For Xander, it was a reassurance of the love and acceptance Anya had always given him. For her, it was confirmation that as much as the others belonged to Xander, he still belonged to her.

When the embrace ended, they quickly dressed, with Anya giving Xander a quick rundown of her time with Buffy, while Xander related some of what had transpired with Faith.

“She’s very troubled,” Anya said just before they exited the room.

“Who? Buffy, or Faith?”

“Both.”

Frowning, Buffy looked down at her body. It wasn’t that the outfit was as bad (or as good) as some of the things she’d worn in the last day or two, but it wasn’t quite what she would normally go out in.

Her simple t-shirt, which would have exposed just the slightest bit of her midriff, had been what she considered a slightly risqué fashion choice. Combined with the tight pair of jeans she would wear without panties (since she wasn’t sure if Xander still wanted her without them), she felt like she would be taking healthy first step into showing off the consequences of her sexual awakening to the outside world.

The reward, it seemed, had other plans. The t-shirt now sported a heart-shaped hole in it just above her cleavage, which seemed somehow just a little more substantial than she remembered. The amount of skin she was showing made her want to groan with the embarrassing feeling of being on display. The jeans had lost a lot of material as well, changing from a pair of old jeans into a pair of shorts cut so high that she was almost showing the bottom of her ass cheeks. At least her sneakers had actually remained sneakers, since those towering heels the reward kept putting her in would have been more than ridiculous in that outfit.

Looking up, she could see Faith was dressed in similar clothing, although hers seemed much tighter and she had a lot more cleavage to show off. Buffy swallowed, tried not to stare at those straining globes against the tight material of Faith’s shirt, and bit down the envious feeling of inadequacy that was bound to rise up when she compared her body to Faith’s.

It would be clear to all that neither Slayer was wearing a bra, thanks to the near constant arousal that kept their nipples hard as rocks. Buffy wasn’t quite sure if she was happy or disappointed that their nipple rings were gone. Gone as if they had never been. She shivered with the knowledge that each time those rings returned, they would pierce through as if it were the first time, rewarding her with that intense pain that felt so bitingly delicious.

The two Slayers stood awkwardly in the living room, waiting for Xander and Anya. Buffy had kept any interaction with Faith to the monosyllabic, and had handed her a change of clothes without word or incident. She wasn’t so sure how to act around the girl. Anya, she knew, wanted them to get along, and she assumed Xander did too. Buffy just didn’t trust Faith; didn’t trust her new attitude, didn’t trust her oh-so-convenient crying, and didn’t trust her silence.

If only she didn’t feel her nipples stiffen whenever she looked at the other girl. Or any girl. That was definitely one of the weirdest things about the reward, which meant a lot considering the other things occurring thanks to it. It was so strange to know that that feeling of aroused fascination with the female form was pretty much entirely manufactured by the spell. Buffy had never been attracted to girls.

But she had been attracted to Faith. That attraction was, Buffy now felt, due in large part to the darker desires she could now recognize and embrace. Faith had been so strong and carefree, and had seemed to understand a deeper part of Buffy that she’d never let herself see. Those days they’d spent together fighting, Slaying, and partying had been exciting and frightening at the same time.

Until it all came crashing to an end. After that, the almost instinctual resonance between them had exploded into a nightmare. Faith had hurt her in ways no one else ever could. Violated her, really.

It was all she had to keep from punching her across that unfairly beautiful face.

She’d worn that face. She’d felt that body from the inside out. Knew what it was like to have those breasts, those hips, that face and those legs. She knew what it was like to move in that sensual way that seemed so natural Faith. She knew what it was like to feel what Faith felt.

Just like Faith knew what it was like to feel her. That was a bond just as strong as any bond between Slayers. Only it was a dark bond, and not one she wanted. Buffy didn’t like having that profound knowledge of being Faith, and it was only worse now that her hatred was tinged with a powerful physical attraction.

Faith was beautiful. That body was curvy and tight, with soft red lips that seemed to beg for a kiss. Her eyes were dark and soulful, a quality that Buffy hadn’t been quite able to recognize when she wore that body. It was uniquely Faith, as if her soul was so bottled up that it could only be seen in those eyes. Those eyes watched her silently, and Buffy cursed the deep complexity she saw there; the deep complexity she wished she could ignore. It was so much easier to just think of Faith as the bad guy, with no strings attached. Thinking of her as a person, as a girl, or even worse, as a lover? That was not what she wanted.

It was all she had to keep from kissing her unfairly beautiful face.

At long last Xander and Anya exited their room, saving Buffy from having to contemplate the matter of Faith any longer. She felt a little thrill just from the sight of him, a giddiness that came from knowing she was secure with him. He gave her a grin, and she blushed when his eyes widened, flicking down her body on a purely instinctive reaction to her outfit. Buffy lowered her eyes and smiled coyly. He liked the way she looked.

Then came another flash. For one heart-stopping instant, she thought it would be the nipple rings, and held her breath in anticipation. When the pain didn’t come, she frowned. Then she felt the slight weight, and reached up to her neck.

A fashionable choker was fitted about her neck, with no clasp that she could find. It was made of glittering gold wire woven into a thin band that twisted in a braid about her neck. From the front hung a small pendant of gold and what were apparently diamonds. She craned her neck to try and see what the pendant was, but was unable to. She felt it gently, and looked up.

Faith wore a similar choker around her neck, and Buffy could see a thin gold chain that hung from the back of the choker. The chain was long and drooped to the floor, coiling several times. Buffy bit her lip as she realized what it was: A leash.

With slightly trembling hands, she reached behind her own neck, and felt a similar chain. Closing her eyes, and sighed gently at the thought of Xander holding her leash, tying her to him in a physical way. She was his, his to use and play with, his to show off and do with what he liked. She was sure her nipples were going to poke right through her tight shirt.

Buffy glanced to Faith again, and noticed the pendant that hung from her neck. Made of gold and many small diamonds formed into an ornate cursive, it read Xander’s Surprise.

“Oh, those are pretty,” Anya said as she approached them. She leaned over slightly to examine Buffy’s, then turned and did the same to Faith. Buffy only stared at her ass for a second or two, and that was just because it was in her face and very round and curvy and pressed against her jeans in a very round and curvy and did she say tight kind of way? “Too bad we can’t take them off. They look very expensive.”

“Yeah,” Xander breathed as he stood before Buffy, reaching out to touch her pendant. Buffy bit her lip as he examined it closely, and breathed in deeply, drinking in his scent. His eyes rose to hers, and she blushed as she realized he’d caught her at it. His warm grin nearly melted her. She was trying to build up the courage to ask when he put his hand on her shoulder, leaned forward, and whispered in her ear, “It says Xander’s Treasure.”

“Oh,” she managed to squeak.

“Okay. Guess I’m uh, probably supposed to hold these, huh?” He reached around her, and Buffy found herself leaning forward to press against him. Then he pulled his hand back, the gold chain looped over his hand. “Giles is going to love me walking the two of you in on leashes. So much for breaking it to him gently.”

Buffy really didn’t care what Giles would love. The thought of Xander holding that chain was driving her crazy. Still, she knew that Xander wasn’t so comfortable, and as much as she wanted to scream at him to hold it and let the consequences be damned, she wanted to make him feel better if she could. That was her duty, now. To do things for him, not for her.

“You don’t have to if, uh, if you don’t want to.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “What if I want to?”

“You do?” she responded quickly, unable to keep the excitement from her voice.

“If it gives you the happies, I do. But I was actually thinking that there could be, you know, crazy bondage to be had if I didn’t.”

Anya nodded seriously. “Yes, it could get worse if Xander doesn’t hold them.”

Buffy tried not to bounce in excitement. She kept her voice as even as she could. “Well, if you have to.” Secretly she was wondering what might happen if she didn’t. Would the nipple rings come back? Would she go into Giles’s new shop wearing those heels or with her arms clamped behind her back? The thought of that brazen display of her new position made her ache inside.

Sighing, although it was more an amused sigh than anything else, Xander picked up Faith’s chain as well, holding one in each hand. He stared at them for a moment, a moment in which all were silent. He seemed to be coming to terms with something.

“Are you guys o—” he began, and then closed his mouth, exhaling slowly through his nose. He closed his eyes, and took a deep inward breath. “Never mind. I’m in charge guy now, right?”

“Right,” Anya agreed. “You’re the master.”

Xander frowned. “Uh, let’s come up with a different title, okay? Masters tend to drink blood or turn me into butt-monkeys.”

“It’s just a word. Don’t be silly. Besides, I think the girls will be very happy to call you Master Xander.”

“I’m never going to get used to this,” Xander sighed. “I don’t know how you do it, Buff.”

“The horniness helps,” she replied with her enforced honesty. She clamped a hand over her mouth. Anya nodded in serious agreement, Xander grinned, and Faith, that bitch, bore the slightest hint of a knowing smile.

The last time she’d been at a meeting of the too-cutely named Scooby gang, Faith had been sixteen and too stupid to admit how scared she was all the time. The mask she’d worn had been a fragile one, a mask of carefree bravado that had protected her from everyone else and kept her purposefully separate from them. It was a mask she’d desperately wished she could have the courage to toss aside after the accidental killing of Allan Finch. Maybe she could have gone to someone. To Angel, to Xander, maybe even Buffy or Giles. Instead she’d clutched the mask all the tighter, and had clung to it until it had eventually shattered under her own guilt and pain.

She was back with that group, but this time there was no mask to hide her fear. All she had was the Difference, and she clung to that with greater tenacity than even her old mask. Deep down she knew she was the same frightened little girl, but at least this time she had someone. This time, when she desperately wanted someone to talk to, she could talk to Xander.

Would have to talk to Xander.

“Tell me what you want to say.”

Faith stood awkwardly to one side, away from Willow and her apparent girlfriend, away from Giles, Xander, and Buffy. Only Anya stood by her, arms crossed and watching the current exchange between the core Scoobies. She held the end of Faith’s thin golden leash in one hand, twirling it idly as she watched.

Things were different with the group, but many things were still the same. Giles was calm and professional, save for when he would let loose a bit of barbed sarcasm. Xander was still prone to wild leaps of logic and panic, and still cracked far too many jokes. Buffy reminded Faith of how quiet the other Slayer would get in times of stress, where she’d get that hardened look on her face, instilling within Faith the feeling that nothing was standing in her way.

She remembered trying to imitate that face in the mirror when she’d been in Buffy’s body. Somehow, she’d never gotten it quite right.

Willow seemed the most changed, although Faith was well aware of the girl’s hidden cache of willpower. She stood defiantly with one arm around her girlfriend Tara’s waist, and occasionally gave Faith challenging looks. It was almost funny, considering that Faith would have given either of the girls a turn even before the reward had upped her desires. Now she was trying not to rub her thighs together just looking at the two of them holding each other.

It didn’t surprise Faith that Giles didn’t react the way Xander had been afraid of. Even she could see that Giles was a cool son of a bitch. He took the whole thing in stride, talking about Slayer chronicles and how many of them had been involved with freaky sex shit in the past. Turned out demons liked using sex magic to keep Slayer’s occupied, and considering how most Slayers were beautiful young women, there were no shortage of wizards willing to do the occupying.

What did surprise Faith was that Buffy didn’t seem to expect Giles’s calmness. She constantly looked as if she were waiting for Giles to explode, and hovered close to Xander during the entire discussion.

Which may have had something to do with Xander still clutching the end of her leash in one hand. It was a necessity if she wanted to move around. They’d found out that if someone wasn’t holding the end of the leash that Buffy and Faith were unable to move out of its range of slack. Some unseen force kept the end tethered to one spot unless it was picked up. So when Xander, Giles, Willow and Buffy wanted to step off to one side to discuss things in harsh whispers, Xander had been forced to keep hold of Buffy’s leash, and passed off Faith’s Anya.

They’d shown Giles the parchment, as well as the documents showing that Faith was apparently legally in the custody of one Alexander L. Harris; documents that would likely have been considered unconstitutional were it not for the magic involved in creating them. She was, for lack of a better word, his property. The government no longer cared what she’d done or what she would do. It was all Xander’s responsibility now. The only rights she had were the ones he gave her.

Technically the same was true of Buffy, but to see it written out in legalese was a sobering experience. None of that mattered to Faith. She deserved far worse, and in fact felt that being Xander’s was light years away from the punishment of prison itself. That was what worried her. She deserved punishment, not…whatever he was willing to give her.

Acceptance?

Definitely didn’t deserve that.

So she watched silently, ignoring the looks of undisguised suspicion that Buffy or Willow would shoot her, the looks of surprising empathy from Tara or Giles, and tried not to show how desperately she latched onto the looks of silent assurance that Xander would occasionally glance back at her.

The discussion seemed centered on several points. The first was whether it was safe even to attempt to remove the reward. The paper that had appeared detailing some of the specifics of the reward claimed that the Hellmouth could seriously screw them over if the reward were rejected, and Giles was worried that any attempt to remove it could be seen as a rejection.

The second point was whether or not they should take Xander, Buffy, or even Faith’s suggestions at heart. Willow and Giles were both worried about what the magic had done to them, and whether or not their judgment could be trusted.

The third point was what kind of impact the reward would have if they weren’t able to remove it. Would Buffy be able to continue going to school? Would she be able to patrol? Could they tell her family?

They even wondered what might happen to Faith. Sometimes that worry made her feel sick, such as when Willow suggested she might kill again now that she was out of jail. Sometimes that worry made her want to cry, such as when Xander wondered what might happen to all the “incredible progress she’s made.”

“I mean, I have of course heard of this Gimmel before,” Giles said. “I always thought him something of a myth, really. There are numerous powerful deities that seem to reward evil, and I always assumed Gimmel was a kind of Santa Claus figure intended to encourage people to do good. His rewards always seemed far too fantastic to be real. I read a report last night during my initial research that seemed to suggest Gimmel was responsible for bestowing the hero Agrahan with the power he used to defeat Illyria the Old One.”

“I thought Agrahan and Illyria was a myth,” Willow replied.

“I’m not so certain anymore. But if this Gimmel really did do all the things he’s credited with…his power is truly staggering. A-and I’ve never read an account of him doing anything to actually harm someone. Indeed, every single thing I’ve read indicates that his rewards have marked turning points which greatly improved the lives of all involved.” He cleared his throat and glanced to Xander and Buffy. “Of course, something could have changed.”

“Or not,” Buffy whispered.

“See, Giles?” Willow sighed. “That’s the problem. They’re all brainwashy.”

“Willow, I told you—” Buffy began. Giles held up a hand for silence.

“Buffy, I’m aware that you may feel…not particularly unhappy with your situation. Unfortunately we’ve no way of knowing if you would feel that way without the magic affecting your mind, and we may have a moral responsibility to combat it regardless of your current feelings.” He sighed, and took off his glasses. “Unfortunately our moral responsibility may interfere with the reality of the situation, which could be life threatening — or worse — if we attempt to remove the reward.”

“So what, we just leave them like this? She’s wearing a leash, Giles!”

Buffy blushed and looked down. Xander instinctively put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. Willow frowned slightly, looking apologetic.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “But it’s a big deal. What if— What if a demon came in right now? She couldn’t go fight him cause she’d be stuck.” She swallowed nervously. “Or what if she’s, you know, in handcuffs or something in the middle of patrol?”

Giles shook his head. “I tend to think such, ahem, restraints wouldn’t be an issue when Buffy is involved in something like that. The parchment does make mention of not interfering with Buffy, or rather, the Slayer’s deeds or welfare. I should think if she were in danger, she would be freed.”

Willow stared at Giles with incredulous shock. He shrugged.

“Willow,” he sighed. “I’m just as uncomfortable with this as you are, but we must look at things logically, and maintain our composure. If we give in to our embarrassment over the situation, we’ll be crippled.”

“Is that why you’re not doing that stammering British thing where you pretend sex doesn’t exist?” Xander wondered.

“I may not be a member of the council anymore, but I’m still Buffy’s Watcher. As much as I wished it would never occur, I’ve been aware of the possibility of something like this happening. Slayers are targets, and there have been many throughout the centuries that were the victims of sexual magic. Sex is a powerful force, especially for magic. I suppose I never expected it to be an apparent ‘reward’ is all.” He took a deep breath, and turned to Buffy. “We will deal with this, whether by removing it, or by accepting it. I…I don’t want you to ever think I thought any less of you because of it.”

“I-I didn’t…” Buffy said, blushing brightly. “Thanks.”

“And Xander,” he continued. “I know you to be a man of great decency. I’d like for you to feel free to discuss the repercussions of this magic with me.” He gave him a pointed look. “That’s not to say I want details, you understand. Never that.” He shuddered slightly. “But it’s my duty to assist Buffy in any way I can with the aspects of her supernatural life, and I like to think her normal life as well. We’re all adults now. We’ll discuss the matter as such.”

“Okay,” Xander said, nodding nervously.

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed.

Willow sighed. “I’ll try to not to be…you know.”

Buffy smiled slightly. “Thanks, Willow.”

Across the room, Faith tried not to be too obvious about watching the other group. Anya was making no such effort, and sat on the counter with her legs crossed, very obviously listening to every word. Faith would glance at her every so often, taking a small comfort in the other girl’s presence.

She liked Anya. Xander’s girlfriend was the kind of person she’d always tried to believe she was. Anya did what she liked, and didn’t care what other people thought of her. Despite that, she still seemed able to care about others, even express that caring, albeit in very strange and blunt ways. That was something Faith had never been able to master, and it astounded her whenever Anya would casually remark how much she “enjoyed” Xander, or more often a particular part of Xander. Even more astonishing was when she’d say those things about Faith.

“H-hi,” a small voice suddenly said. Surprised, Faith turned her head quickly, and found herself looking at the sweet, shy smile of Tara. Willow’s girlfriend was very pretty, with a vulnerable cuteness to her that reminded Faith oddly of Buffy when she was wearing her cuffs and corset. “Y-you’re Faith, right?”

“Yeah,” Faith replied, warily. “Tara, right?”

Tara nodded. “We met once. Last year.”

“Sorry to hear that,” Faith said darkly. She turned her head, hoping Tara would take the chance to go away. Instead, she felt a gentle hand on her arm.

“No one’s going to hurt you here,” Tara said quietly. Faith pulled away slightly.

“What?”

“They’re angry and confused, but they won’t hurt you. I promise.”

“Buffy’d shank me in a heartbeat, and I couldn’t blame her for it,” Faith shrugged. “Get what I deserve.” She tried to sound like she’d made peace with that.

“Nobody deserves that.”

“Whatever.”

Tara frowned sadly, and glanced at Faith’s neck. “Xander’s Surprise,” she read. “What’s that mean?”

“What?” She reached up to touch the pendant. “Is that what—”

“Oh,” Tara blushed, realizing Faith didn’t know what her pendant said. “Yeah. I-It says Xander’s Surprise.”

Faith clenched her jaw, biting back that rush of feeling that was building up inside of her. She breathed slowly through her nose. Finally, she was in control of herself. “Guess he was surprised to find me in his place yesterday.”

“Maybe. Or maybe you just surprise him.”

“I guess.”

Tara reached out tentatively, and touched the pendant between her thumb and forefinger. She smiled softly. “It’s very pretty.”

Then they just stood there. Tara didn’t say another word, didn’t ask her how she was doing, didn’t question her motives or intentions, and didn’t give her strange looks. She just stood there beside Faith, watching the others, a small smile on her lips and her hands clasped behind her back.

For some reason, Faith almost felt like thanking her.

The back room was sparsely furnished, but there were a few gym mats lining the floor, a set of weights in one corner, and a heavy bag hanging from the ceiling. It was her training area, where Giles would help her get the most out of being a Slayer. She liked the idea, even as the thought mirrored in her mind: Giles would help her get the most out of being a Slayer, but Xander would help her get the most out of being Buffy.

For the moment, however, she was walking into the back room wearing what would be a very fashionable choker, were it not for the leash clipped to the back of it, and the stately British gentlemen behind her who was trying not to turn red at holding the other end. Giles was determined to talk to her one on one, and for that he had to hold her leash. The weirdness was reaching epic levels, even as it made her stomach flutter with the utter realism of it all. They all knew now. Giles knew she belonged to Xander. It made it official, in her mind.

Giles cleared his throat, and lifted the end of the thin chain slightly. “I’ll um, just put this here.” He hooked the small loop at the end around the cable that held up the punching bag. Buffy glanced back at it and felt a little shiver. She would be unable to pick up that end and unable to move away from that spot until someone else picked up the end. Even at that moment, just talking to Giles, she was living the dark fantasy. She was vulnerable and without control, with Xander as the ultimate authority. Yet even the idea of Giles dictating where she could go for these few moments made her flushed.

For one confusing moment, she wondered if Giles had noticed the way her shirt showed off her cleavage. She was on display, and it was a frighteningly intense thrill.

“I’m sorry to hear about Riley,” Giles said after a few moments, wiping his glasses with a cloth as an excuse not to look at her.

“It wasn’t meant to be,” Buffy said quietly.

“Perhaps.”

“Do you think I’m brainwashed to not be more upset?”

“I’m honestly not sure, Buffy. I don’t want to attempt to decipher your feelings for Riley or Xander before yesterday.”

She nodded, and wondered if that meant Giles thought she had feelings for Xander before all of this.

“For now, let’s forget the idea of brainwashing. How are you feeling, Buffy?”

Boldly, she looked up into his eyes. “With or without the sex parts?”

Giles cleared his throat. “For the sake of my sanity? Without. We’ll address the — ahem — other things later, if we must.”

Pursing her lips in thought, Buffy idly fiddled with the pendant at her neck, fingering the lettering. Warmth spread through her. She was Xander’s Treasure. She wanted more than anything to be that, to be someone’s treasure. The undeniable knowledge of Xander’s love for her was a foundation of strength in her soul, and it made her feel like she was herself for the first time since…

Since she could even remember. It made her feel like she could be happy, happy in a way that she’d never really thought could be her destiny. No tortured romance, no silent battle over who was the superhero, and no doubts. Just Xander, who she’d always known loved her in some way or another. This was Xander, who’d returned her life, stood by her, and always supported her. With him there was no fear that he would abuse his power over her, because she knew from experience that he would never do that.

“I feel secure,” she said, staring down at the floor.

“Secure?”

“Yeah. Safe. Um, sort of relieved.”

“And the,” Giles paused for a moment. “Other things? You’re not against them?”

She looked at him with wide eyes, and shook her head. “He asked, you know. B-before he did anything.”

“I suspected nothing less,” Giles said simply, his tone even.

“I don’t think this is fake,” she said suddenly, blurting it out before she lost the courage.

“Your feelings, you mean.”

“Yes.”

“Do you think you’re capable of making that distinction? You were adamant in your love for Spike just a few months ago.”

“This is different.”

“Different? How?”

“This is scary.”

“Scary?” He slid his glasses on and looked at her inquisitively.

Buffy nodded slowly, biting her lip. “That spell, I remember — I wasn’t afraid. I didn’t wonder about my feelings, Giles. The same with the love spell in High School. I couldn’t even think about them not being real.”

“And now you can?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “I, um, I know he loves me, but I don’t kn—” she paused, and frowned slightly. “Giles?” she asked slowly.

“Hmm? What?”

“Why did you nod?”

“Nod?”

“I said I know Xander loves me, and you nodded.”

Giles took a step back. “Did I?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“W-well I just, I mean, of course, yes, Xander is-is quite fond of you.”

“He’s in love with me,” she said, knowing it was true, thanks both to her own heart and the order Xander had given her.

“T-that’s not really something I ca—”

“You knew,” Buffy whispered. “You knew?”

Giles sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course I knew.”

“Wow.” She looked down, then back up. “Did Willow know?”

“I suspect most of the state knows,” Giles admitted.

Buffy licked her lips, and then pressed them tightly together. She touched the pendant again, and closed her eyes. For a moment, she imagined Xander looking down at her, glorious relief in his eyes.

“Did I love him?” she asked. Maybe Giles had seen that too, even if she hadn’t.

“I’m not sure this is the right avenue o—”

“Giles! Did I love him? Before?”

“How would I know that?”

“You knew Xander loved me. How did you know that?”

Giles exhaled slowly, and removed his glasses again. “Sometimes, Buffy, I wonder if the better question is how you didn’t.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but there was nothing to say. Giles stepped closer to her, and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Buffy, if you want me to tell you that you cared for him, I will. If you want me to tell you that you loved him, I will say that as well. I don’t think either should come as a surprise to you.”

“No, but…”

“But you are desperate for validation of how you feel,” Giles finished for her. “Or even for something to disprove it, rather than the limbo you currently feel.”

She looked down. “Kinda. I…I told Xander it was like faith.”

“Faith?”

“Not the person. The, whatever it is. You know. Faith.”

“A belief in the heart.”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “In the heart.”

Giles nodded, and closed his eyes. “What do you want to do, Buffy?”

“I-I think I want to—” she touched the pendant again. “I want this.”

“And if you’re being made to feel this way?”

“Then I’m glad,” she said, stubbornly. “I feel like me, Giles. I don’t feel like the Slayer. I feel like Buffy, like I’m scared and nervous and hopeful and giddy and everything all rolled into one. I’d rather feel like this.”

Giles sighed. “Considering the chances of removing the reward, I suppose it’s good you feel that way.”

“Do you think I’m crazy?”

“Yes, but that’s hardly new.”

“Giles,” she laughed, rolling her eyes. “I mean, do you think I wouldn’t want this, if, you know, if there was no magic?”

“I couldn’t say. I’m not privy to your, ahem, personal…proclivities.”

“What do I do, Giles? I can barely convince myself that I’m— that I could be happy with this. Xander’s still kicking himself over it, even though he promised he wouldn’t. If we can’t remove it then we can’t tell if I want to remove it, so we’re stuck and everyone’s miserable!”

“I suppose you were right,” Giles said, smiling sadly. “If we’re unable to remove it, then there’s no way of ever knowing for sure. In that case, we can either debate it endlessly, or accept it. Take it on faith.”

“Just live with it?”

“Slayers have lived with stranger afflictions, believe it or not. And many perfectly non-magical people live similar lifestyles.”

“Except their owners don’t have the kind of control that Xander does.”

“No,” Giles said. “I don’t suppose they do.”

“I like it,” she said firmly. “If we can’t get rid of it, I’m going to embrace it. I like it, Giles.”

Giles breathed deeply through his nose, his eyes closed. “I’ve just painted myself into a corner, haven’t I?”

“Kinda.” She toed the floor, rocking her foot back and forth. “Are we going to be weird, if this doesn’t go away? I mean, am I never going to be able to talk to you like before? Like…without the weirdness?”

“You can always talk to me, Buffy.”

“Except about sex.”

He grumbled slightly. “No,” he said slowly. “You could. In theory.”

“Is this like the theory of evolution or the theory of tastes great — less filling?”

He sighed. “You can discuss anything you like with me. That’s a promise. As I said, you’re an adult now, and you deserve for me to treat you like one.”

Buffy tried to think of what it might be like to talk to Giles about what had happened to her in the last few days. Maybe he could treat her like an adult, but could she treat him like a peer, or even a confidant? Giles couldn’t understand any of this, could he? He was proper and British and never did anything weird except…

Except have sex with her mother on the top of a police car. With handcuffs involved. And possibly a spank or two.

She blushed pure crimson at the stolen memory, the one she’d heard in her mother’s mind back when she was telepathic.

Sometimes when she thought about her life, she realized just how truly weird it was. She knew about her mother’s wild sex with Giles the night they’d been turned into teenagers thanks to the time she could read people’s minds. Now she was Xander’s submissive sex toy, and found it hard to be entirely shocked by the weirdness. It seemed perfectly in line with all the other weird things that had happened. At least she wasn’t making out with Spike this time.

“Thanks, Giles.”

“Of course.”

They were silent for a few moments. “Is it okay if uh, if we don’t talk about it right now?”

“Oh thank God,” Giles breathed. “I mean— Yes. That’s perfectly all right.”

Buffy grinned shyly. “Right. Then could you,” she gestured to her leash. “Walk me back out?”

“O-of course,” Giles said, stammering just slightly. He gingerly reached out and took hold of the thin chain. “Shall we?”

She wore the barest hint of a smile as they exited the training room. One way or the other, things would work out. If Giles could surprise her, maybe everything could.

Now if she could just get the thought of being fucked over the hood of a police car with her hands handcuffed behind her out of her head, she’d be golden.