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As You Were

Prologue

Buffy scrapes the grease off the grill in the Doublemeat Palace while the assistant manager, Todd, stands beside her holding a grease bucket, and talking about the Palace’s office politics. “Now, I’m not a political animal, but you learn fast around here or it’s—wham! Hello, glass ceiling. I mean, it’s not like we work at Burger World or the Happy Bun where the power structure is simple. No. Here at the Palace, you got to keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. It’s like Machiavelli says.” He notices the blank expression on Buffy’s face. “You know Machiavelli, right?”

“Tall guy, bleached mullet, works day shifts?” asks Buffy.

“I’m sorry, my bad. I keep forgetting you dropped out of college,” says Todd.

Buffy tells Todd that she’s reapplied, and he wishes her luck with that, but he’s got to be going now, or he’ll be late for his night school class. “I’m working on my MBA. Think I want to spend the rest of my life cleaning grease traps?” He tells Buffy to lock up before she goes, and to scrape the gum off the bottom of the tables. “See you tomorrow.”

Buffy goes back to scraping the grill. “Yes, you will. And the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that…”

Buffy passes through the cemetery on her way home from work, with a Doublemeat bag in her hand. She finds herself singing the Doublemeat Palace jingle. “Get the double treat / That’s the double sweet / Oh, it’s hard to beat / When the meats meet— Oh, why can’t I get that stupid jingle out of my head?”

A vampire jumps out from behind a crypt and lands in front of her. “Least of your problems now, little girl.”

Buffy tells the vampire to wait, and carefully sets her Doublemeat bag down on top of a headstone. “Okay, let’s do this. Quickly!”

The vampire attacks, and Buffy knocks it back with a couple of well placed punches. It swings a kick at her head, and manages to connect. Buffy is momentarily dazed and the vampire grabs her. They grapple while the vampire tries to pull her close enough to bite.

The vampire suddenly stops. “What’s that smell?” It sniffs again. “Gee, Slayer, is that you?” It lets go and takes a step back.

Buffy tells it she’s been working in the Doublemeat Palace.

The vampire has heard enough, and starts to slowly back away with its hands up. “You know what? Let’s just call it a night. If it’s all the same to you, and you’ve been eating that stuff, I’m not so sure I want to bite you.”

“You’re dead. You smell like it.” Buffy’s hurt by its rejection. “How do you get to say I’m the one who’s stinky?”

“Really, it’s cool,” says the vamp. “I’ll just catch you next time.” It grunts as the stake Buffy throws embeds itself in its chest, and then it bursts into a cloud of dust.

Buffy smiles in satisfaction, but the smile quickly fades, and she sniffs at her coat. She picks up her bag of dinner, and continues on her way.

Act I

Buffy carries her Doublemeat bag up the front steps to her house, and stops. She senses something. Then she sighs and relaxes. “Oh, for Pete’s sake. Spike?” She turns toward the tree on the lawn.

Spike steps out from behind the tree. “Ah, it’s a fair cop. You caught me, Slayer. However, in all honesty, I think we have to say this one doesn’t count. After all, I wasn’t exactly hiding.”

Spike starts to walk slowly toward Buffy, but she tells him no. He thinks that’s a little premature, he hasn’t asked a question yet. Buffy doesn’t need to ask. She knows what he’s thinking.

Spike reaches out and starts to undo the top button of her coat. “And we both know that I’m not the only one thinking it.”

Buffy slaps his hand away. “No! Not here.” Dawn is inside waiting for her dinner, and Buffy doesn’t intend to let her down.

“So it’s the fear of getting caught then, is it?” asks Spike.

“Reason number one on a very long list,” says Buffy. Spike doesn’t think that’s a problem. He starts to pull her toward the tree. “Spike, I mean it. Come on.”

Spike presses her up against the tree. “I hear you’re serious. So am I. I want you. You want me. I can’t go inside, so…maybe the time is right…for you to come outside.”

Buffy looks at the house for a moment, and then sighs and looks at Spike. He starts to kiss her. She drops her bag and kisses him back.

Buffy enters the house looking a little messed up. She finds Dawn in the kitchen looking in the fridge. Dawn looks at her and asks if she’s had a rough night. Buffy says it was just the usual, and hands over the Doublemeat bag. “I brought you dinner. I know it’s not the most original these days, but I made it myself. I made hundreds, actually, but this is the very best one.”

Dawn pulls a squished Doublemeat burger out of the bag.

Buffy tells her to just give it sec, takes it from her, and tries to plump it up. “Yeah, these babies really bounce back. Literally.”

Dawn really appreciates Buffy bringing dinner home, but she’s getting tired of Doublemeat food. “It’s just that, I can’t eat this stuff another night. I’m sorry.”

Buffy understands. “Tell you what, tomorrow night, I’ll, uh, I’ll bring home the Fisherman’s Nuggets with cheese.”

Willow comes into the kitchen, looking like she’s ready to go out. “Hey, workin’ lady,” she says to Buffy. “Rough night?”

“Why does everybody keep asking me that?”

“Uh, no reason.” Willow indicates the back of Buffy’s coat. “I just thought you were busy with the slayage ’cause of that grass stain.”

“Some vamp get rough with you?” asks Dawn.

Buffy cranes her head around to try and see the stain. “He’s not getting any gentler.” She pulls off the coat.

“He?” asks Willow.

Buffy scrambles to recover. “They. Them. You know, vampires in the general population sense.” She looks at the stain on the back of her coat. “Now I’m going to have to wash this.”

Willow suggests that Buffy just blow it off. She and Dawn are headed out to the Bronze.

“Um, do I have your permission and want to come along?” asks Dawn.

Buffy tells them to go without her. Willow asks if she’s sure. It would do her good to get out for a night, and see her friends.

“Who’d love to see you,” says Dawn.

Buffy says she’s sure. She has had enough action for one night. She tells Dawn to be home by eleven. “Have a good time.”

Willow and Dawn leave the kitchen together, leaving Buffy alone. She picks up the squished burger, and looks at it. “Somebody should.”

Xander and Anya sit at the bar in the Bronze going over the seating chart for their wedding reception one more time. Xander’s got a bag of chips that he’s munching on. Anya thinks that they have to redo the whole thing, but they don’t have time.

Xander thinks that the seating is just fine, they really have to talk about the table arrangements. “I’m starting to have dreams of gardenia bouquets. I am so glad my manly coworkers didn’t just hear me say that.”

Anya pulls the bag of chips away from Xander and tells him to stop eating them. “One more bag, and you’ll pop right out of your cummerbund. You’re not even hungry. You’re just nervous.”

“Yeah!” says Xander. “Wedding, one week. We have friends, family, demons flying in, a to-do list getting no shorter and do not…” He grabs the bag back. “…take my chips.”

Dawn stops by with a couple of glasses in her hands, and asks how they’re doing. “Nervous?”

“No!” they both snap at her.

“Okay. I’ll just be over here then.” Dawn continues on to where Willow is waiting, and hands one of the glasses to her.

Willow thanks her. “So, how are Mr. And Mrs. High-strung?”

“I’m betting they explode,” says Dawn.

“You know, when I was little, I used to spend hours imagining what my wedding to Xander would be like.” Willow looks over at Xander and Anya hunched over their seating chart. “And now I look at them… I just think nyah-ha-ha!”

Dawn laughs. She’s happy that Willow is in a much better mood than she had been, which she attributes to Tara being willing to speak with Willow again. “You want to call her? Invite her over?”

Willow thinks that it’s still too soon for that. She doesn’t want to push things. “But if I did call, she wouldn’t hang up on me.”

“That’s progress,” says Dawn.

“Hence the happy.”

Buffy does the laundry in the basement, listening to music playing on a cheap radio. She stretches her coat out on an ironing board, and tries to clean out the grass stains.

Buffy wakes up next morning lying on the sofa, under her coat that still has faint green stains on the back. There is a hamper of unfolded laundry on the coffee table in front of her. She realizes what the noise that woke her up is. “Garbage!”

Buffy runs out of the living room as she pulls on her coat.

Buffy runs out onto the front lawn of her house with a green garbage bag in each hand. The garbage truck is just pulling away. “Wait! Wait up guys! Wait!” The truck keeps going.

Buffy watches as the garbage truck turns the corner off her street. “Don’t you want your garbage?”

Buffy comes back in the back door, with the day’s mail in hand. Dawn is in the kitchen, and reminds her that it’s trash day.

Buffy finds a letter from UCSunnydale, and opens it. She starts to read quietly to herself. “Dear Miss Summers, we are sorry to reject…” Buffy missed the registration cutoff date.

Dawn asks what it is, and Buffy tells her it’s nothing. Dawn tells her that the Bronze was fun last night, Buffy should have come.

“Maybe next time,” says Buffy. She notices that Dawn seems ready to go out. “Where are you going?”

“School.”

“Oh… That’s good. Uh, don’t you want breakfast first?”

“Already made it,” says Dawn. “See you this afternoon? Unless you’re working? Tonight then or, you know, tomorrow’s cool.” She comes around the kitchen island and gives Buffy a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t work too hard.”

Buffy watches her go. “Bye.” She turns toward the sink, which is full of dirty dishes.

Buffy flips burgers while Todd holds forth on his political theories. “And thats where even your best political minds can drop the ball. Zeitgeist. You’re not taking the pulse of the public, next thing you know, you’re L.B.J. handing the house keys over to Nixon. Heard back from your college yet?”

“Yeah,” says Buffy without enthusiasm.

Todd doesn’t seem to notice, and tells Buffy that they’re out of the special sauce. Buffy says she’ll go get it, but he tells her he’ll take care of it himself. It’s her turn up front. “I’ll deal back here. You take the customers.”

Buffy walks out to the counter, running on autopilot. “Welcome to the Doublemeat Palace. How may I help…” She looks at the tall guy dressed in black standing in front of the cash. “…you.”

“Hey,” says Riley Finn. He’s picked up a scar on his face that runs from above his left eye, down onto his cheek.

Buffy is completely stunned. “Hurn?”

Act II

Buffy looks up at Riley, too stunned for rational thought. “Riley. It’s you.”

“It’s me.”

“You’re here.”

“I know.”

“And…were you always this tall?”

Riley leans down, and speaks quietly to her. “Look, this isn’t the way I wanted it, but something’s come up, something big. We don’t have much time. You understand?”

“Not a word you’ve said so far,” says Buffy.

Riley apologises for interrupting her at work, but he doesn’t have time to explain. “I’ve been up for 48 hours straight tracking something bad, and now it’s come to Sunnydale.”

“My hat has a cow,” says Buffy.

While Riley has been talking with Buffy a line has started to form behind him. Neither Buffy nor he has noticed. Riley tells her that he needs her help. “I need the best. I need you, Buffy. Can you help me?”

Todd has noticed the line. “Hello! Buffy? People are waiting.”

Todd’s words penetrate Buffy’s fog. She takes off her hat, and grabs her coat from under the counter. She and Riley leave the Doublemeat Palace together. They ignore Todd calling after her.

Buffy and Riley walk down the street. Riley apologises again for the suddenness of his appearance. If they get a couple of seconds he’d like to sit down and talk with her. He’s interrupted by a beeping sound, and pulls a small gadget off his belt that looks kind of like a cell phone and flips it open. It has several blinking lights on it.

“What is it?” asks Buffy.

“Suvolte demon,” says Riley. “Rare, lethal, nearly extinct, but not nearly enough. It’s close.” Buffy starts to giggle. “What?”

Buffy struggles to get control of herself. “Sorry. It’s just— you still carry around all that James Bond stuff. It’s so cute. I forgot.” She manages to put on a straight face. “Sorry. Carry on.”

Riley tells Buffy that they’ve been tracking these things all the way from Paraguay, taking out nests. It seems that every time they kill one, a dozen more pop up. “They’re breeders, Buffy. One turns into ten, ten become a hundred. This gets out of hand and there’s a war with humans, the humans are going to lose.”

“So they’re like really mean tribbles,” says Buffy. Riley just looks at her. “Sorry, I’ve been dealing with these geeks. It’s a whole thing.”

They are interrupted by the roar of the demon. People in the street start screaming and running away. The Suvolte demon has arms that end in single long claws, and a large mouth full of teeth.

“You ready for this?” asks Riley.

Buffy looks at the demon. “Yes, please.”

Riley runs against the flow of people running away from the demon. He raises a badge over his head. “National Forestry Service! We got a wild bear! Everybody stand back!” Buffy smiles briefly, and then follows him.

Riley pulls out a pistol, but the Suvolte demon is attacking a woman who’s in his line of fire. He pulls her away and the demon slashes his arm. Riley drops his gun.

Buffy jumps onto the demon’s back. It spins around, and smashes her against a wall. Buffy lets go, and falls to the ground. The demon takes off into an alley.

Buffy scoops up Riley’s gun as he helps her back to her feet. They follow the demon.

Buffy and Riley move quietly through the alley, searching for the demon. They come to a side alley, and split, with Buffy going down the alley to the right. She still has the gun.

The demon roars, and throws a trash can at Riley. Buffy throws Riley the gun, and he shoots a dart into the demon. Buffy charges it. The demon knocks her back, turns, and leaps up the wall to the rooftop overlooking the alley and vanishes. Riley asks Buffy if she’s okay.

“I’ll feel better when we catch it,” says Buffy. “But it’s too fast.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily say that.”

Riley’s black SUV tears out of an alley onto the street. Buffy’s sitting in the passenger seat. “Nice wheels,” she tells him.

“Came with the car.”

There is a moving map display on the dashboard showing the position of the tracer Riley put into the Suvolte. Buffy asks Riley how his arm is. He says it’s fine, and asks how she’s doing.

“Complicated question,” says Buffy.

“I hear ya,” says Riley. “I got some, uh…big stories to tell you, too, if we ever get half a second.”

“Did you die?”

Riley looks at her. “No.”

“I’m gonna win.” Buffy starts to shrug out of her coat. Her Doublemeat Palace uniform shirt practically glows in the dark.

Riley glances at Buffy, and then reaches into the back seat and pulls out a package that he gives her. “Here. No offense, but this is black ops and you look like a pylon.”

Buffy looks at the gear he’s given her. “Ninja wear?”

“Battle gear,” says Riley. “Lightweight kevlar. State of the art. Put it on. Thank me later.”

“You won’t look?” asks Buffy.

“I’m a gentleman.”

Buffy asks Riley how the black ops life is working out for him and Riley tells her it doesn’t suck. He even has dental. He looks at her. “You know, there’s not many people I’d ask to risk their life for me, Buffy. It’s really good to see you.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. And, Buffy…love the hair.”

Riley’s SUV leaves town and speeds down an empty highway, pushing 100mph.

Xander and Anya sit in his car, not going anywhere, stuck in traffic on a freeway. The dashboard of his car is covered with empty chip bags, and both of them are eating more.

“I think we died in this car on the way to the airport and now we’re stuck in hell,” says Anya. “We’ll never get to the airport in time to pick up your stupid uncle.”

Xander isn’t worried. It will just give his Uncle Rory more time in the bar. He’ll be happy. Anya still isn’t happy that Rory is going to be sleeping on their couch.

“He can’t afford a hotel,” says Xander.

“Why are you defending him?”

“I’m not,” says Xander. “I hate my uncle. I hate my whole family. That’s why I’m marrying you, to start a new family, have children, make them hate us. Then one day, they’ll get married, we’ll sleep on their couch. It’s the circle of life.”

“Well, the Gnarols are teleporting in in twenty minutes,” says Anya. “If I’m not there to greet them, somebody’s getting incinerated.”

“Why did we ever agree to have your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place?”

“Well, I can only do so much, Xander. Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.”

“Without the laughs,” says Xander. “We should have eloped.”

“No! I’ve been through too much planning this wedding, and it is going to happen. It is going to be our perfect, perfect day if I have to kill every one of our guests and half this town to do it.”

“Hmm.” Xander has finished his bag of chips. He looks at the ones Anya’s eating. “Cool Ranch?”

“Cajun Fiesta,” says Anya. That sounds good to Xander, so he take the bag from her.

Riley’s car pulls to a stop, and they get out. Buffy’s changed into the black ninja-wear Riley provided.

Buffy looks around. She doesn’t see any sign of the demon. Riley says it’s close. They go through a gate, out onto a walkway along the top of a dam.

“Let me guess.” Buffy looks over the edge. “Down we go?”

“Looks that way,” says Riley.

Buffy is still looking over the edge. “That’s a big first step. So, Mr. Finn, got an extra jet pack for a girl like me?”

Riley’s fresh out of jet packs. They are going to have to share his rappelling rig. It’s only rated for one person, but he figures he can carry Buffy if he leaves his gear behind.

That’s fine with Buffy. “I was never big on the hardware anyway.”

Riley attaches his line to the railing. “You hold onto me?”

Buffy moves in close to him. “If that’s what it takes.”

“Come on.” Riley lifts her into his arms.

Buffy snuggles close to him. “Ready when you are, Agent Finn.”

Buffy and Riley rappel down the side of the dam together. They land at the bottom, and unclip from the line. They start to move cautiously along the base of the dam.

The Suvolte demon attacks Riley. He fends it off and Buffy attacks the demon. She kicks it away from him. Riley pulls out his baton, and he and Buffy attack the demon together. Buffy gets knocked back against the dam, and the demon knocks Riley’s baton out of his hand.

Buffy attacks again. Riley grabs her and swings her toward the demon, their strengths combining into a kick Buffy delivers to the demon’s head. The demon goes down, and Buffy and Riley are knocked back against the base of the dam. They stand for moment catching their breaths, and gazing into each other’s eyes.

Someone else rappels down the side of the dam and lands beside them. She unclips from her line and turns toward Buffy and Riley. “Hey there!” she says to Riley, and then looks at Buffy. “What exactly are you doing with my husband?”

Buffy is stunned speechless.

Act III

Buffy looks back and forth between Riley and this new girl. She’s tall, pretty, with long dark hair pulled back in a braid wrapped at the back of her head. “Husband? Wife? And…those aren’t code names like ‘Big Dog’ or ‘Falcon’ or…” Riley shakes his head. “I didn’t think so.”

Riley introduces Buffy to his wife, Sam, and Sam to Buffy.

“Pleasure,” says Sam.

“Demon,” says Buffy. The Suvolte has recovered from the kick she’d given it.

Sam looks back at the demon. “Mine!”

Buffy and Riley watch as Sam attacks the Suvolte demon with a quick series of kicks and punches. Buffy is impressed, and asks how long they’ve been married.

“Four months, almost,” says Riley.

“Mazel tov,” says Buffy. “Any children?”

Riley apologises for not telling Buffy about Sam earlier, but the time just hadn’t seemed right, and Sam caught up to them faster than he expected. “She does that.”

“So you guys do this often, you know, the whole husband-wife tag-team demon fighting thing?”

Riley tells Buffy that’s what brought them together. He’s still watching Sam beat on the demon, and dodging everything it tries to do to her. “I almost feel sorry for the Suvolte.” Sam doesn’t quite manage to dodge the next swing the Suvolte takes at her, and goes down. “But not quite.” Riley joins in the attack.

Buffy stands watching for a moment as Riley and Sam attack the demon together, working as a well coordinated team. It becomes evident to her that, good as they are, this thing is still winning. She joins in the fight.

“Call this your wedding gift!” Buffy grabs the Suvolte demon’s head and gives it a sharp twist, snapping it’s neck. The demon falls to the ground. Buffy turns and walks away toward the rappelling line. “So I guess that’s mission accomplished.”

Riley bends down to check the demon. “She killed it.”

“Oh, honey,” says Sam. “That’s okay.”

Buffy hears the lack of enthusiasm in Sam’s voice and looks back. “Okay? Wait. You guys have been tracking this thing as a couple for two days straight, and you did want it dead, right?” She sees the expressions on their faces. “Oh.”

Sam has a good idea what happened. “Let me guess,” she tells Buffy. “Captain Can-Do over here forgot to mention that this was a homing operation, but it’s nice to finally meet you, by the way.” She holds out her hand toward Riley. “Knife.”

Riley hands Sam a knife, and she bends down and slices open the demon’s body while Riley apologises for not filling Buffy in.

Sam’s examination of the body has revealed what she was afraid of. She stands up again. “Finn, how could you recruit the Slayer without filling her in on the objective?”

Buffy would like to know the answer to that question too.

“If we weren’t under severe time constraints, I’d seriously think about ripping you a new one.” Sam tells Riley. He tells her to stand down.

Buffy looks at Sam “He’s your boss, too?”

“Oh, he wishes,” says Sam. “We better regroup. Buffy, I hate to impose further, but…you got a safe house?”

Buffy has a house, but she isn’t sure how safe it is.

Riley tells Sam he knows the way. He looks at Buffy. “And I’ll fill you in…on everything.”

Buffy lets Riley and Sam in the front door of her house, and apologises for the mess.

Dawn is waiting for them, standing with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. “Agent Finn returns.”

“Dawn. Jeez, look at you,” says Riley. “I think you grew a foot and a half. It’s good to see you.” Dawn doesn’t uncross her arms.

Xander and Willow come out of the kitchen. They are glad to see him. Riley shakes Xander’s hand, and gives Willow a hug while he introduces them to Sam. Buffy had phoned ahead to let them know she was coming in with Riley and his new wife. Riley has also been told about Xander’s impending wedding, and congratulations are exchanged.

Riley and Sam move into the living room. Willow steps up beside Buffy. “Just so you know, I’m prepared to hate this woman any way you want,” she tells Buffy quietly.

Buffy tells Willow it’s okay, she doesn’t want to seem petty.

“Well, that’s the beauty,” says Willow. “You can’t, but I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for the both of us.”

Buffy looks at Riley and Sam, standing together and laughing about some private joke. “Go nuts.”

Everyone gathers in the living room. Riley and Sam sit on the sofa. Buffy sits in the armchair, with Willow beside her on the arm. Xander and Dawn stay on their feet.

“So…what brings you back to town after you left suddenly with no word?” asks Dawn.

Riley tells them that they’ve been tracking a Suvolte demon from Central America. It’s three months old, and has left a clear trail for them to follow.

“Yeah,” says Sam. “Just follow the villages with nothing in them but body parts.”

Riley glances nervously at Dawn. “Uh, Dawn, are you sure you want to be around hearing all this?”

“Oh, come on, Finn. She looks all grown up to me,” says Sam. She looks at Buffy, afraid she may be stepping on her toes. “That is, if it’s all right with you?”

Buffy tells her it’s fine, and Dawn asks why the demon’s come to Sunnydale. Sam tells them that the demon came to the Hellmouth to spawn, but it has already layed its eggs somewhere, and unless they stop it they’re going to hatch soon.

“Which means we have to find the nest, and fast, before Sunnydale turns into the Troublemeat Palace.” Buffy instantly regrets her metaphor. “I wish I’d said something else.”

Xander thinks that it sounds simple enough. They track down the demon and find its nest so Mr. and Mrs. Finn can get with the killing. He joins Riley and Sam on the sofa. “But seriously, married man, if forced to choose between photographer and place settings—”

“We can’t track the demon,” says Buffy. “I killed it. So who’s hungry? We got—uh…”

“Ice cubes,” says Dawn.

“All you can eat,” says Buffy.

Sam tells Buffy not feel bad about killing the Suvolte. It might have killed them if she hadn’t. She turns to Xander. “Disposable cameras.”

“Duh—huh?” asks Xander.

Sam tells Xander to include cheap disposable cameras in the table settings while Buffy tries not to notice the way Riley’s hand has moved to Sam’s knee, and Sam takes it in hers. “Guests snap photos, breaks the ice, and when the wedding’s over, you get to take home the pictures.” Xander likes that idea.

Buffy pulls the talk back around to the demon eggs, and asks how long before they are likely to hatch.

Sam and Riley don’t think that’s the problem. Word is that someone calling himself ‘the Doctor’ was planning to sell them on the black market. There are some foreign military powers interested in getting their hands on a Suvolte. Drop one on a town, and it cleanses the area.

“Is that a nice way of saying it kills people?” asks Dawn.

“Lots of ’em,” says Sam. They know that some money has already been exchanged. “Willow, you think you can help with a little locating spell?”

Willow looks away briefly. “I can’t do the magicks.”

Sam is surprised. “Oh, Riley says you’re coming on as one major-league wicca.”

“I got addicted,” says Willow. “The way addicts do.” She turns away and walks out of the living room.

There is an awkward pause, broken by Riley. He proposes that Buffy and Sam team up to look for the nest, while he looks for the Doctor. Buffy is a little surprised by him pairing her with Sam, but Riley thinks she’ll want the backup if they do find the nest.

Sam senses Buffy’s reluctance and says that she doesn’t want to slow the Slayer down. Buffy quickly overrides her and asks Xander to stay with Dawn. Riley plans to check out some of his old Sunnydale sources, starting with Willy.

Willow is sitting at the island in the kitchen. Sam comes in behind her. “Hey, Willow. I’m sorry. I think I really…stepped in it in there.” Willow doesn’t move. “Back in the jungle, we had not one, but two hard-core shamans working for us. They were working the dark magicks and…got addicted. And now they’re gone.” Willow looks around at her. “Gone as in…there’s nothing left. I’ve never met anyone with enough strength to quit before. I’m just saying.”

Willow just sits, looking at her. Sam turns and goes. Willow lets a bit of a sad smile cross her face.

Sam thanks Buffy for letting her tag along as they walk through a cemetery. She’s feeling a little intimidated, patrolling with the real live Slayer. “You’re like Santa Claus or Buddha or something.”

“Fat and jolly?” asks Buffy.

“Legendary,” says Sam. “And it’s not just Slayer status I’m talking about. It’s you.” Buffy asks if Riley has talked about her much, and Sam tells her he didn’t say anything much at first. He was pretty ripped up inside.

“Good thing he has you,” says Buffy.

“More like miraculous. I went down to Central America with the Peace Corps. One night, my entire infirmary got slaughtered by… I didn’t know what they were. I got saved, quit the Corps, joined the squad. My first fire fight, I met Riley. We started talking. First about tactics, missions, stuff like that, and then about you.”

“He thinks…I let him go,” says Buffy.

Sam looks at her. “Do you wish you hadn’t?”

Buffy stops walking. “I wish things were different.” She pauses. “I’m not trying to— I don’t— you know.”

Sam didn’t mean to put Buffy on the spot. She doesn’t think what happened is anyone’s fault. “The only thing that could help Riley work it out was time. Lots of time. Took him a year to get over you.”

Buffy really isn’t sure how she feels about that. “I’m glad he’s over me.”

Sam asks Buffy if she’s seeing anyone new. Buffy gets more uncomfortable, and says that she’s taking her time, not jumping into anything. “I don’t want to, you know, be defined by who I’m with.”

“Yeah. Better no guy than the wrong guy, that’s for sure,” says Sam.

Buffy really wants to end this conversation, and suggests that they split up. Sam thinks it’s because she’s slowing Buffy down, but Buffy says that isn’t it. “There’s this guy, uh, an informant, but he’s twitchy. I show up with company, and we get nothing.”

Sam says that’s cool. She figures that Riley’s been on his own long enough to get into trouble somewhere. “You know how wild he gets.” She starts to walk off. “Don’t worry about Rye and me. We’re good.”

“I noticed.” Buffy says to herself.

Spike is sitting on the lid of his sarcophagus, reading a paperback book, when Buffy enters his crypt. He has made it more comfortable with some blankets and pillows. She tells him that she’s looking for some information. Spike thinks that might be a bit of a problem. He isn’t likely to sell anyone out for the sort of money Buffy can pay from her Doublemeat Palace wages.

Buffy ignores his comment. “I need to find a guy. Dealer. Calls himself ‘the Doctor.’”

“Human?” asks Spike.

“His traffic isn’t.”

“Clock ticking?”

“Whatever he’s doing, he’s doing it soon,” says Buffy.

Spike looks her over. “Soon, but not now?”

Buffy looks at him. “Tell me you love me.”

“I love you,” says Spike. “You know I do.”

Buffy steps toward him. “Tell me you want me.”

“I always I want you,” says Spike. “In point of fact—”

“Shut up!” Buffy grabs Spike and pulls him toward the sarcophagus. She lies back on it, and pulls him on top of her. She starts to unbutton his shirt.

Buffy and Spike lie sleeping together under the blankets on the lid of his sarcophagus. Buffy stirs, and mutters something in her sleep.

The door of the crypt bangs open and they wake up. Buffy is aghast when she sees Riley and pulls one of the blankets over her to try and cover herself better.

Spike is tickled pink. He looks at Riley and laughs. “Well, looky here. I don’t usually use the word delicious, but I’ve got to wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh? Me and your former? Must kill. What can I say? The girl just needs a little monster in her, man.”

Riley stands before them with a rifle in his hands. “That’s not why I’m here, Doctor.”

Buffy turns and looks at Spike in disbelief.

Act IV

“Oh god!” Buffy wraps her blanket around herself, gets off the sarcophagus, and goes looking for her clothes.

Spike remains seated, looking at Riley. “Here I thought we’d run you out of town, mate.” He pulls his blanket off himself, flaunting his nakedness. Riley glances away. “Last time I saw you, if memory serves, you were getting the juice sucked out of you by some undead ladies of very questionable reputation. Now, be a good tin soldier and, um…” He makes a little run along gesture with his hand.

Riley looks him in the eye. “Where are they, Doctor?”

“Where are what and why do you keep calling me that?”

“Glad to be back in Sunnydale,” says Riley. “Locals all speak English, and I know who to beat for information. It’s all brought me here.”

Spike gets up, and starts to pull on his pants. “Look, Crewcut, she’s not your bint anymore, and if I can speak frankly, she always had a little thing for me, even when she was shagging you.”

Riley knows that Spike is just trying to distract him, and he isn’t going to play. “Where are the eggs, Spike?”

Spike still pretends not to know what he’s talking about. He thinks Riley must be having some delayed reaction to those drugs they were keeping him on.

“Okay. We can do this the hard way, or we can do this the fatal way.” Riley punches Spike. “Where are the eggs?”

Buffy comes back from getting dressed and tells Riley that Spike can’t be the Doctor.

“No need to defend me, Luv,” says Spike.

Buffy punches Spike. “Look, it—it can’t be, okay? He’s too incompetent. It’s just Spike, Riley.”

“Right,” says Riley. “Deadly, amoral, opportunistic. Or have you forgotten? I’m taking this place apart until I find that nest.” Riley starts to search the crypt.

Spike steps in front of him. “Over my dead body.”

Riley pushes Spike aside. “I’ve seen enough of your dead body for one night, thanks.” He moves to the hole down to the lower level, and starts down. He looks back at Buffy. “You coming?” Buffy looks at Spike for a moment before following Riley.

“Oh, this is…unconstitutional is what it is!” yells Spike. “Here! There’s nothing to see down there!”

Buffy follows Riley down the ladder, still telling him that he must be wrong about Spike. She stops when she sees that the floor of the lower level of the crypt is covered with about a dozen leathery demon eggs, each one about a foot across.

Spike has followed them down, and sees them looking at the eggs. “I can explain.”

Riley doesn’t much care for Spike’s explanations. “We’re going to need more weapons,” he tells Buffy. “Spike screwed up. You didn’t keep ’em frozen, did you… Doctor?”

“You can stop calling me that anytime,” says Spike. “If I may, the thing of it is, I’m holding these for a friend who—”

Buffy punches Spike, and knocks him back onto his ass. “No more games.”

Spike picks himself up off the floor. “Well, that’s bloody funny coming from you! No more games? That’s all you’ve ever done is play me. You keep playing with rules you make up as you like. You know what I am! You’ve always known. You come to me all the same.”

“Can you shut him up?” asks Riley.

“Not so far,” says Buffy.

Spike leaves. Riley thinks that they should be going too, to get more weapons to destroy the eggs. They’ve run out of time for that though. The eggs start to hatch. Miniature Suvolte demons, looking like beetles about a foot across start scuttling toward them.

Riley tosses his rifle to Buffy, and pulls out his baton.

Buffy doesn’t think that was such a good idea. “I’m not exactly gun girl.”

“You want to live, learn fast!”

Buffy tries shooting some of the demon bugs, but she misses them, and shoots up some of Spike’s records, his bed, and lamp instead. “These things…” She has more luck using the rifle as a bat to knock aside one of the bugs that leaps at her. “…never useful.” She tosses the rifle away.

One of the demon bugs drops onto Riley’s shoulder. He pulls it off, and throws it away. Bugs are scuttling all around them, they are soon going to be completely surrounded and overwhelmed. They have to pull out.

Riley goes up the ladder first, with Buffy right behind him. Some of the bugs start to follow.

Riley looks around for something to block the hole with. They have to contain these things. Buffy has a different idea. She unhooks Riley’s belt—which has several grenades on it—pulls the pin on one of them, and drops them all down the hole. She knocks Riley to the floor as the explosion rips through the lower level of the crypt. Flames shoot up through the hole in the floor.

Epilogue

“You know, if you love Riley Finn so much, maybe you should just marry him,” says Anya. She’s sitting on the toilet in their bathroom, while Xander sits on the edge of the tub. Muffled shouting and the occasional breaking of objects can be heard coming from their apartment.

Xander tells Anya that she’s missing his point. It isn’t that he thinks that Riley’s marriage is better than theirs, “But, granted, I have a hard time imagining Nick and Nora Fury hiding out from their own relatives in the bathroom.” They hear something else break in the apartment. “And I have no idea what Riley and Mrs. Riley’s wedding was like.”

Anya has trouble believing that. Xander hasn’t shut up about them.

“Well, they have a great marriage, and it bummed Buffy out, but I can see it,” says Xander. “And, Anya, I really have no clue what their wedding was like.”

Anya begins to understand. “So our wedding— is not our marriage.”

“Separate things,” says Xander. “One fills me with a dread akin to public speaking engagements…”

“And that would be the wedding,” says Anya.

“Which will be over soon.”

“But our marriage…”

“That lasts forever,” says Xander.

“Ah, well. That works out nicely then.” Anya kisses Xander. Something else breaks in the apartment.

Buffy and Riley step out of the Magic Box together. She asks if he and Sam are on their way back to Central America.

Riley tells her that their next stop is Nepal. He’ll send her a postcard. There is something else he wants to talk with Buffy about. He has accomplished his mission objective, but he was also authorized to take out the Doctor. “You want me to do that?”

“Do I want you to… How can you ask me?” asks Buffy. “I’m sleeping with h-him. I’m sleeping with Spike.”

“I had actually noticed that,” says Riley.

“And then you come back… Did you wait until your life was absolutely perfect and then send that demon here so you could throw it in my face?”

Riley tells Buffy that coming back had terrified him, but Buffy suspects that her incredible patheticness softened the blow for him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Riley.

“Riley, please don’t patronize—”

“Hey! You want me to say that I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color? Or that that burger smell is appealing?”

“You smelled the smell?” asks Buffy.

“Buffy, none of that means anything. It doesn’t touch you. You’re still the first woman I ever loved and the strongest woman I’ve ever known. And I’m not advertizing this to the Missus, but you’re still quite the hottie. This isn’t about who’s on top. I know how lucky I am right now. I love my work, and I love my wife.”

“I know,” says Buffy. “And I kind of love her, too.”

“So you’re not in the greatest place right now. And maybe I made it worse.” Buffy denies it, but Riley continues. “Wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You’re up, you’re down. It doesn’t change what you are… And you are a hell of a woman.”

“Riley, that night…I never got the chance…to tell you…how sorry I was. About what happened between us.”

“And you never have to.”

The door opens behind them. Sam, Xander, Willow and Dawn come out of the Magic Box. Sam is telling Xander about their wedding, which took place in a military helicopter just before a night drop into hostile territory. Xander asks how much a helicopter costs these days.

“Well, actually, we commandeered it from a local guerilla squad,” says Sam, “so, cheap.”

Sam turns to Willow. “You have my email. You promise you’ll keep in touch?”

Willow is a little worried about them being traced that way, but Sam assures her that their line’s secure.

Dawn looks at Riley. She’s still looking miffed, with her arms crossed across her chest. “So, you going to say good-bye this time, or just split all secret-agenty like last time?” The sound of a helicopter’s rotor can be heard approaching.

“Depends,” says Riley. “I warrant a hug?”

Dawn hugs Riley, and he says goodbye to her. She lets go. “I thought it would suck less this time. It doesn’t.”

The wind from the helicopter’s rotor has started to pick up around them, and a light starts to shine down on them from above. Sam tells everyone that it was nice meeting them, and turns to Riley. “You ready for Nepal, Agent?”

“Fire fights, bug hunts, big body counts. Yeah, I could use a break.” A line drops down from overhead and Riley clips it to his belt. He and Sam grab on to each other, and Riley gives a couple of tugs on the line signalling that they’re ready. The helicopter lifts them away.

Xander, Willow and Dawn watch Riley and Sam rise up into the sky, and wave goodbye. Buffy keeps her eyes on the ground. After Riley, Sam and the helicopter have disappeared Dawn and Xander turn and go back into the Magic Box.

Willow walks over to Buffy. “What a bitch,” she says quietly, and then follows Xander and Dawn.

Buffy stands for a moment, and looks up at the sky before following the others inside.

Spike kicks at some of the rubble in the lower level of his crypt. He looks up and sees Buffy. “So she’s back. Thought you’d be off snogging with soldier-boy.”

Buffy tells Spike that Riley’s gone. Spike thinks that she’s come for a bit of cold comfort. “The bed’s a bit blown up, but then that was never our—”

That isn’t what Buffy’s there for. “And I’m not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme, either. That’s just you. I should’ve remembered.”

“Oh this is worse then is it,” says Spike. “This is you telling me—”

“It’s over.”

Spike doesn’t believe her. “I’ve memorised this tune, Luv. I think I have the sheet music. Doesn’t change what you want.”

“I know that,” says Buffy. “I do want you. Being with you…makes things…simpler…for a little while.”

“I don’t call five hours straight ‘a little while.’”

“I’m using you,” says Buffy, “I can’t love you. I’m just being weak and selfish…”

Spike steps toward Buffy and tells her he isn’t complaining.

“And it’s killing me,” says Buffy. “I have to be strong about this. I’m sorry…William.”

Buffy turns and walks away from Spike. She climbs up the ladder, and walks out of his crypt, into the daylight. She starts to smile.

Death Toll